If Joey and I play with matches, we could get you up to an even 100. 要是乔伊和我玩火柴 就可以让你累积到一百
Oh,my God! 天哪
...if you know what I mean. 懂我的意思吧？
Why don't you break up with one of them? 何不跟其中一个分手？
See? You just need the right command. 看到了吗？下对指令就行了
Joey,put that down. 乔伊，放下
We don't know if he'll propose. 也不知道他会不会求婚
Good deal. 很好
And I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world. 我已经征服了知识界
And now I have the most beautiful woman in the world. 现在又拥有世界上最美的女人
...the Ultimate Fighting Champion. 终极格斗冠军
Wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a baby? 要是我们的鸡鸭生小宝宝 不是很酷？
We could call it Chuck. 可以叫它查克
Or Dick. 或狄克
Listen,I need a favor. 我要请你们帮忙
I was in the shower, and as I was... 我刚才洗澡，正在…
...cleansing myself,I felt something. 洗身体时，发现一件事
Was it like a sneeze,only better? 很像打喷嚏，但是感觉更爽？
No. I mean,like, a thing on my body. 不是，是我身上长了东西
Well,what was it? 什么东西？
Well,I don't know. It's kind of in a place that's not.... 不晓得，它长在我不能…
It's not visually accessible to me. And I was hoping maybe you guys... 我看不到，我想麻烦你们
...could help me out. 帮我看一下
Come on,you guys! It's no big deal! 拜托，又没什么
Well,what is it? Is it a mole? 是什么？是痣吗？
No,it's too wrinkly to be a mole. 不是，太皱了，不是痣
Is it? What,a pimple? 那是痘子吗？
No,it's... 不是，它…
...fancier than a pimple. 比青春痘高级
-Ross,just go see a doc -Guys,what's? 你就去看医… 你们在干…
Well,it's definite. Two more weeks of winter. 确定了，冬天还有两星期
Yeah,right. 没错
The One With Ross' Thing 本集播出：“寡人有疾”
And this is the coffeehouse. This is where I play my music. 这是咖啡馆，我都在这里表演
-Good deal. -These are my friends. 漂亮 他们是我的朋友
People? This is Vince. Vince,the people. 各位，这是文斯 文斯，我的朋友
Vince is a fireman. 文斯是消防员
Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building? 你从燃烧的大楼里救过人吗？
Ninety-eight hot saves. Highest on the force. 九十八次，队上第一高
Fire safety is not a joke,son. 孩子，不能拿火灾开玩笑
You're right. I know. 你说得对，我知道
Look,I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. 我要走了，晚上要值班
See you Saturday. 星期六见
He's cute,Pheebs. 菲比，他好可爱
But you just started dating that teacher. 但你不是刚和那个老师交往？
Oh,Jason? 杰森？
We're seeing each other tonight. 我们晚上要见面
Well,Pheebs? 菲比？
Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you. 脚踏两条船？你不像这种人
I know,I know. I'm,like,playing the field. 我也知道 我在游戏人间
I'm juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild oats. 我在玩弄别人，搞七捻三
You know,this kind of,like, oat-sowing,field-playing juggler. 我是搞七捻三的花心萝蔔
So do they know about each other? 他们知道对方的存在吗？
Does a dog's lips move when he reads? 狗狗念书时，嘴唇会动吗？
Okay,no,they don't know. 他们不知道
Hey,guys. 各位
-Well? -How'd it go at the doctor's? 怎么样？ 医生怎么说？
He said there's definitely nothing to worry about. It's benign. 他说不用担心，是良性的
-What is it? -He couldn't even tell me. 是什么？ 他根本说不出来
He said it was just some sort of "skin abnormality." 他只说是一种皮肤异常
The worse thing is,he said, being unable to identify it... 更糟的是他说，由于无法辨认
... he was reluctant to remove it. 他不愿意为我切除
You should go to my guy. 你应该去找我的医生
Because when I went in there with my third nipple... 我去找他时
...he just lopped it right off. 他直接就把它给切了
So I guess I'm lucky. 我蛮幸运的
I mean,not as lucky as people who are born with two nipples. 虽然比不上天生两个的人
At least they knew what yours was. You know? Yours had a name. 至少他们知道你长了什么 你的有名字
Maybe they'll name yours after you. 也许医学界会以你为名
You know? They'd call it "The Ross." 把它叫做“罗斯”
And then people would be,like, "Oh,he's got a Ross." 大家会说 咳，他长了一个罗斯
Yeah,that'd be cool. 是啊，真酷
Pete's breaking up with me. 彼特要跟我分手
What? 什么？
I just checked my messages. 我刚才听留言
He said that when he gets back, "We need to talk." 他说等他回来 “我们得谈一谈”
-And? -Well,that's it. 然后呢？ 就这样
People never say,"We need to talk," unless it's something bad. 没有人会说“我们得谈一谈” 除非是坏事
That doesn't necessarily mean he's breaking up with you. 那不一定代表他要跟你分手
Really? 真的？
Maybe he just cheated on you. 也许他只是对你不忠
I won't get rich doing it, but I gotta say,it's cool... 这么做没有好处 但我还是很高兴
... knowing you're making a difference in a kid's life. 我改变了一个孩子
That is so great. 真好
Oh,my God! 天哪
We'd better call the fire department. 赶快通知消防队
Well,we don't need a fireman. 不必找消防员吧
We need,like,a good mechanic. 应该找好的黑手来
Here they come! We gotta get out of here! 他们来了，快逃
Wait. Why? 等一下，为什么？
If I wanted to see a fireman, I'd date one. 要是我想看消防员 我会找消防员约会
That's all it is. A third nipple. 只是一个多出来的
You know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. 很普通的第三个
You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off. 你可以把它切掉，直接切掉
Take your shirt off. Let's see what we're dealing with. 把上衣脱掉让我看一下
What are you doing? 你在干什么？
Just showing you my run-of-the-mill, slice-it-right-off third nipple. 让你看那个非常普通 可以直接切掉的
Well,that's not a third nipple. 这不是第三个
First of all,it's on your ass
Well,then what is it? 不然是什么？
Wait a minute. Hold it. 等一下
-Jansen,come in here. -I'm with Hamilton! 詹森，来一下 我在跟汉弥顿讲话
He's good with weird things. Bring him in too. 他对怪东西很在行，叫他也来
I gotta go water Pete's plants. 我得去帮彼特浇花
You know what? If he's gonna break up with me,maybe I won't water them. 你们知道吗？ 如果他想分手，我就不浇了
If he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should do it... 如果他要分手 干脆让乔伊和我去“浇”
Or... 或者…
...we could go and pee on them. 我们可以去对着花盆撒尿
I can't take it,you know. 我受不了了
I'm afraid one of them will catch me with the other. 我好怕会被捉到
It's making me crazy! 我快疯了
What happened to playing the field? 你不是在游戏人间？
It doesn't feel like playing anymore. 现在不像游戏了
It's feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field. 比较像工作 我好像在做田野调查
So pick one of them. 那就选一个
Which one do you like more? 你比较喜欢哪一个？
Vince is great,you know? Because he's,like,a "guy" guy. 文斯很棒，他是男人中的男人
He's just so burly, so very burly. 他好壮，真的好壮
Okay,good. So there you go. Go with Vince. 好，那就选文斯吧
But Jason's really sensitive. 但是杰森好感性
Sensitive is important. Pick him. 感性很重要，选他
Oh,sure. Go with the sissy. 是啊，听娘娘腔的话
Jason is not a sissy. 杰森才不娘娘腔
I meant Chandler. 我是说钱德
You know,I have dinner plans. 我晚上有约
Thank you so much for coming on such a short notice. 谢谢各位临时赶来
Ladies and gentlemen,I've been practicing medicine for 23 years... 各位先生、女士 我行医23年
...and I'm stumped. 现在却被难倒了
Okay,this is the den. 这里是书房
All right,check this out. Lights! 你们看喔…灯光
All right,less lights! Bad lights! 少一点光…不好的光
Lights,go away! 灯光走开
And the dimmer switch. 也可以用调的
For a rich guy,that's a small TV. 他那么有钱，电视还真小
That's the video phone. 那是视讯电话
But you shouldn't be here. So don't touch anything. 你们不能来的，所以不要乱碰
IKEA,this is comfortable! 宜家傢俱，好舒服
This place is amazing! 这里太高级了
-Oh,God! That's the nicest kitchen. -I know. 那个厨房好棒 我知道
It's the nicest kitchen. 我是褚的
The refrigerator told me to have a great day. 冰箱还会祝我今天愉快
Look,a millionaire's checkbook. 你们看，百万富翁的支票簿
Oh,my God,that's Pete. Get out! 天哪，是彼特，快出去！
How the hell do you answer a video phone? 视讯电话要怎么接？
I guess that's how. 原来是这样
Monica,how's it going? 摩妮卡，你好吗？
Oh,it's good. It's good. 很好
Just here,watering the plants. 我来帮你浇花
Don't forget that ficus there by Rachel. 别忘了瑞秋旁边那一盆
Chandler's on the couch! 钱德在沙发上
I see him. You guys are the worst hiders,ever. 我看到了，你们还真不会躲
-Hi. -How you doing? 嗨 你好吗？
The other day when you said you needed to talk... 那天你说要找我谈一谈
...just so I know, is it good news or bad news? 请问是好消息还是坏消息？
It's good news. It's definitely good news. 好消息，绝对是好消息
Hold on a second, I have another call. 等一下，有另一通电话
How's it going? 你好吗？
It's still me. 还是我
I've got picture-in-picture here. 我这里有子画面
I'm gonna have to call you back later. 我再回你电话
Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back. 摩妮卡？我再回你电话
So I'll see you soon. 改天见
-Okay. I love you. -I love you. 好，我爱你 我爱你
We love you too! 我们也爱你
Well,it's good news. It's good news. 是好消息，是好消息
-What do you think the good news is? -Look at this! 你想是什么好消息？ 你们看
He wrote a check for $50,000 to "Hugo Lindgren's Ring Design." 他开了一张五万元的支票 给一位戒指设计师
Sorry. What do you think the good news is? 对不起，你想是什么好消息？
Oh,my! 天哪
Monica's gonna marry a millionaire! 摩妮卡要嫁给百万富翁了
You gotta get Mom on the phone! Call Mom! Call Mom! 赶快打给妈，打给妈！打给妈
And that's Pete's mom. 那是彼特的妈妈
You have to make it a theme wedding. And the theme could be: 你得办一个主题婚礼 主题可以是…
"Look How Much Money We've Got!" “看我们多有钱啊”
I mean,you could put money in the invitations. 你可以在喜帖里放钱
You could have,like, little-money place settings. 你可以用钱做成餐具
And you could start with a money salad. 第一道菜可以上钞票沙拉
I mean,it'll be dry, but people will like it. 虽然干了点，绝对受欢迎
Would you stop? 别再说了
We've only gone out a couple of weeks. 我们才交往两星期
But this is Pete. He's not like other people. 他是彼特，跟别人不一样
On your first date,you went to Rome. 你们第一次约会就去罗马
For most guys,that's like a third or fourth date kind of thing. 对其他男人来说 那是第三、四次约会的事
Well,if that's what it is, then it's crazy. 如果他要求婚，那就太夸张了
Monica's right. We're talking about marriage here. 摩妮卡说得对 这可是婚姻大事
She can't just rush into this. 她不能说嫁就嫁
What do you know? You married a lesbian! 你懂什么？你娶了一个女同志
I gotta go. I have to break up with Vince. 我要走了，我要去跟文斯分手
So you're going with the teacher? 你选了那个老师？
I like Vince a lot,you know? But Jason is so sensitive. 我很喜欢文斯，但杰森好感性
In the long run,I think sensitive is better than having... 长期来说，感性应该比…
...a really,really,really nice body. 身材很猛来得好
Jason. Definitely Jason. 杰森，绝对是杰森
-Wish me luck! -Good luck! 祝我好运 祝你好运
Oh,my God! 万岁！
Sorry. 对不起
I was imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet. 我在想像接到钞票捧花的感觉
Excuse me. Is Vince here? 抱歉，文斯在吗？
Oh,sure. 在
I didn't know you guys actually used those. 我不晓得你们会真的滑下来
So what's up? 什么事？
This isn't gonna be easy. 这件事很难启齿
I don't think we should see each other anymore. 我们还是别再见面了
I'm sorry. 对不起
No,it's okay. 没关系
It's just that I thought we had something pretty special here. 我还以为我们之间很特别
I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to. 我终于找到可以倾诉的对象
There's so much in me I haven't shared with you yet. 我还有好多事没跟你分享
My God! I didn't know you were so 天哪，我不知道你…
I'm sorry. I can't talk. 抱歉，我说不出话来了
I'm gonna go write in my journal. 我要去写日记
Wait! Wait! Wait! 等一下
“中央公园”
If you wanna take care of that thing, go see my herbal guy. 你如果想解决那个问题 就去找我的药草师
Thanks. But I wanna remove it, not make it savory. 谢了，我是想切除 不是想做成香料
When girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body... 女生发现情人身上长了怪东西
...they tell their friends about it. 都会跟朋友广播
Give me that. 拿来
Okay,don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist. 别生我的气，我就是忍不住
Bride's Magazines? “新娘杂志”？
I know you said you'd say no if he asked you... 我知道你不会答应求婚
... but how great would you look walking down the aisle... 但是穿这套唐娜凯伦走红毯
...in this Donna Karan? 会有多美啊
You so would! 一定会很美
You should get that anyway. 不结婚也要买
Well,for clubbing. 可以穿去俱乐部
It is so weird. 很奇怪
I know what I said. But this morning... 我说过不会答应 但是今天早上…
...I was lying in bed,imagining what it'd be like to say yes. 我躺在床上 想像说“愿意”的感觉
I know it's a little sudden, and it's rushed... 我知道有点突然，也很匆促
...and it's not like me to do something like this. 我也不是会做这种事的人
But it doesn't mean I can't. Right? 但我可以这么做，对吧？
I mean,I'm crazy about Pete. 毕竟我那么爱彼特
And I know that we want the same things. 我们追求同样的东西
And when I thought about saying yes... 当我想到说“愿意”的感觉
...it made me really happy. 我觉得很快乐
Oh,my God! 天哪
I know. 我知道
I need more pie. 我还要派
Mon,if you do get married, can I bring two guests? 要是你真的结婚 我可以带两个人去吗？
You didn't break up with that fireman? 你没跟消防员分手？
That was my way of telling you. 我就是这个意思
Well,it turns out he's incredibly sensitive. 原来他非常感性
He keeps a journal and he paints. 他写日记，还画画
He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me. 他还为我画了一幅炭笔画
He'd prefer watercolors,but he has easy access to a lot of charcoal. 他比较想用水彩画 但是手边有很多黑炭
So will you dump Jason? 那你要甩掉杰森吗？
Yeah,because I have to break up with someone. 对，我总得跟其中一个分手
So Jason is sensitive. But now,so is Vince. 杰森很感性，但文斯也是
Plus,Vince has the body. You know? 而文斯又有身材
So.... 所以…
It's really just about the math. 这是算术问题
Come on in. 请进
You sounded serious on the phone. 你在电话里的语气很严肃
Is anything wrong? 出了什么事吗？
You must be Ross. 你一定是罗斯
I am Guru Saj. 我是萨吉大师
Listen,I gotta tell you,I've never been to a guru before,so.... 老实说，我没找过大师 所以…
Well,relax. 放轻松
If it makes you feel any better, I've attended... 我在中部念过很好的医学院
...fine medical schools in Central America. 这样你比较安心了吧
Well,let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. 来看看你的皮肤异常吧
Come on,have a seat. 请坐
As I suspected,it's a kundus. 跟我想的一样，是昆度斯
What's a "kundus"? 什么是昆度斯？
I don't know. What's a kundus with you? 不晓得，对你来说是什么？
Please lie down. 请趴下
I've got a salve that ought to shrink that right up. 我有一种药膏可以让它缩小
I guess it's worth a try. 值得一试
Sure. We should see results 那当然，效果应该…
Clearly not the way to go! 显然不能这么做
What? What? 为什么？
We appear to have angered it. 我们似乎惹火它了
We? We angered it? 我们惹火它了？
I think I see the problem. 我看到症结了
And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. 我们得动用更有力的手段
Love. 爱
Oh,God! 拜托
There is absolutely no way this is gonna come off... 它绝对不可能脱落
... unless you start to.... 除非你用…
What was that? 怎么了？
Well,it's gone. 它掉下来了
How's that? 怎么会？
Got caught in my watch. 被我的手表刮掉了
Lights. 灯光
Romantic lights. 浪漫的灯光
Nice. 真好
So there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about. 我说过有事情要告诉你
Oh,right. I'd completely forgot about that. 对喔，我都忘了
I've been doing a lot of thinking. 我最近想了很多
And I look at my life... 我检讨我的人生
...and I feel like I've conquered the business world. 觉得我已经征服了商场
But there's one thing missing. 但是还有一个缺撼
What's that? 什么缺撼？
It's time for me to conquer the physical world. 我该征服体育界了
I wanna become... 我想成为…
You wanna what? 你想怎样？
I wanna be the Ultimate Fighting Champion. 我想成为终极格斗冠军
It's the most intense physical competition in the world. 那是全世界最激烈的体能竞技
It's banned in 49 states. 在四十九州被禁
What are you talking about? 你在说什么？
My trainer,Hoshi,is teaching me... 我的教练正在教我…
...Jeet Kune Do and Brazilian streetfighting. 截拳道和巴西街头搏击
I even had my own octagon training ring designed. 我还请人设计了 专用的八角训练场
And I suppose you used a ring designer for that. 所以你找了设计师 （戒指字同拳击场）
I want you there, in the front row,when I win. 我要你在最前排看我赢得胜利
I want you close enough to smell the blood. 我要你近得可以闻到血腥味
What do you think? 你意下如何？
My parents will be so happy. 我的父母会很高兴
Crazy underwear Creeping up my butt 疯狂的内裤
Crazy underwear Always in a rut 疯狂的内裤，总是一成不变
Crazy underwear 疯狂的内裤…
What is he doing here? 他来干什么？
All right,just keep playing. 继续唱
You'll get through this. You'll be fine. 你会安全过关，不会有事
Okay,thank you. 谢谢大家
And as always,no one talk to me after the show. 依照惯例 演唱完不要跟我说话
I was passing by and saw you were playing. 我刚好路过，看到你在表演
This is cool,seeing you up there. 你在台上的感觉好棒
What's going on here? Who's this guy? 怎么回事？他是谁？
I don't know! He just started kissing me. Get him,Vince! 我不知道，他突然跑来亲我 快捉住他
What? 什么？
I've been dating both of you. 我同时跟你们交往
And it's been really horrible, because it's been... 这种感觉很差，因为…
...a lot of fun for me. 实在很过瘾
But I like you both... 你们两个我都喜欢
...and I didn't know how to choose. 我不知道该选谁
So I'm sorry. I'm terrible. I'm a terrible person. 对不起，我很差劲 我太差劲了
Relax. It's okay. I mean.... 别这样，没关系
We never said this was exclusive. 我们又没说只能跟彼此交往
Neither did we. So give yourself a break. 我们也是，你别太自责
Really? 真的？
We haven't been going out that long. 我们交往的时间又不长
Come on,we haven't even slept together yet. 甚至还没上过床
You haven't? 你们没有？
You have? 你们有？
Well,this is none of my business. 这是你们的问题
I can't believe this! You slept with him? 我真不敢相信 你跟他上床了？
Well,I made you a candlelight dinner in the park. 我陪你在公园吃过烛光晚餐啊
I'm gonna make this real easy for you. 我来替你省掉一个麻烦
That could've been really awkward. 幸好没有太难看
You made him a candlelight dinner in the park? 你陪他在公园吃烛光晚餐？
Yeah,but I can do that for you. I'm gonna do that for you. 我也可以陪你吃，我会陪你吃
I can't believe I went out with somebody... 我居然跟一个…
...who'd have an open flame in the middle of a wooded area! 在林木区点火的人交往
Everything's gonna be all right. 不会有事的
Okay,Dick? 好吗，狄克？
Hello. I am Guru Saj. 你们好，我是萨吉大师
He's a duck,right? Because otherwise... 他是鸭子吧？否则…
...this is way out of my league. 就超出我的能力范围了
He's got a really bad cough, and our vet can't stop it. 他咳得很严重，兽医治不好
Is there something you can do? 你有办法吗？
Let me see. 我看看
Let me see. 我看看
Do you think you could get him to eat a bat? 你能让他吃下蝙蝠吗？