[00:58.-4]Power saw kind of got away from me there.
[02:31.-4]Does anyone else think David Copperfield's cute?
[03:07.-1]So who's on your list?
[05:20.-4]It's an electric drill!
[13:20.-3]I'll get one of the other girls to do it.
[13:30.-2]Hey,do Monica and Rachel work there?
[14:33.-2]You do realize she only spins like that on ice?
[15:58.-4]... but you know,it was pretty cool, you know?
[17:04.-1]
[17:06.-4]Oh,come on. We went to Times Square.
[19:24.-3]Yeah? Well,missy,you better be glad that list is laminated.
[20:08.-2]Or reimburse you for that one.
[00:07.74]So what happened? Did a forest tick you off?
[00:13.17]We always say we need a place for the mail.
[00:21.78]I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
[00:28.02]You're building a post office?
[00:31.46]No,an entertainment unit, with a built-in mail cubby.
[00:34.93]It's a one-day job,max.
[00:39.10]My word,those are snug!
[00:44.31]These are my old work pants.
[00:46.17]Sergio Valente. “
[01:02.16]The One With Frank Jr.
[01:53.41]Hey,Pheebs. Any sign of your brother?
[01:55.94]No,but he's always late.
[01:58.21]-I thought you only met him once. -I did.
[02:02.28]I think it sounds big sister-y, "Frank's always late."
[02:06.69]Well,relax. He'll be here.
[02:09.12]I know. I'm just nervous.
[02:11.13]It's just,Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister...
[02:14.60]...Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately.
[02:17.90]It's just the "last-desperate- chance-to-have-a-family" kind of thing.
[02:22.20]You're sweet to wait with me.
[02:23.94]Actually,Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to have cups out here.
[02:35.72]No. But he told me he thinks you're a fox.
[02:40.62]All right. Janice likes him.
[02:42.49]In fact,she likes him so much, she put him on her "freebie" list.
[02:50.06]Her what?
[02:51.17]We have a deal where we each pick five celebrities we could sleep with...
[02:57.14]...and the other one can't get mad.
[02:59.57]The heart of every healthy relationship:
[03:02.84]Honesty,respect and sex with celebrities.
[03:08.68]IKim Basinger...
[03:10.25]... Cindy Crawford,Halle Berry...
[03:13.00]...Yasmine Bleeth...
[03:15.79]...and Jessica Rabbit.
[03:19.59]You do realize that she is a cartoon, and way out of your league?
[03:24.13]I know. I just wonder if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
[03:29.80]Who would yours be?
[03:31.54]First,I need a boyfriend. Then I can have a list.
[03:35.21]It's just a game,Mon.
[03:39.11]
[03:40.72]I don't know. I guess Chris O'Donnell,John F. IKennedy Jr...
[03:45.12]... Daniel Day-Lewis,Sting and Parker Stevenson.
[03:50.53]Spiderman?
[03:52.39]Hardy Boy.
[03:54.70]-Peter Parker. -Thank you.
[03:58.20]What about you,honey? Who'd be on your list?
[04:01.00]That kind of thing requires some serious thought.
[04:04.37]First,I'd divide my prospective candidates into categories.
[04:08.68]What a geek!
[04:11.75]Everybody,this is Frank! My half brother,Frank!
[04:14.92]This is everybody.
[04:16.52]-This is Ross. -How are you?
[04:23.19]This is Monica.
[04:27.23]And this is Rachel.
[04:32.67]I'm gonna get coffee for us.
[04:34.44]Hey,how do you guys get anything done?
[04:37.61]We don't,really.
[04:40.84]Do you guys have big plans?
[04:42.91]Oh,yeah. We're gonna connect and bond and everything.
[04:47.02]I thought we could go down to Times Square and pick up some ninja stars.
[04:51.92]My friend,Larry,he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
[04:57.59]We really don't take advantage of living in the city.
[05:15.04]Oh,sorry. Did I get you?
[05:18.45]No,you didn't "get" me!
[05:21.38]You "get" me,you kill me!
[05:24.42]Calm down! Do you want this unit or not?
[05:27.09]I do not want this unit!
[05:29.62]You should've told me before. I'm not a mind reader.
[05:34.40]And we're out of beer. I'm going to Monica's.
[05:38.10]Fine!
[05:46.64]
[05:50.85]I saw down at the hardware store,they got those designer tiles on sale...
[05:55.78]...if you wanna redo your bathroom floor.
[05:58.52]What's wrong with my bathroom floor?
[06:00.79]Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.
[06:04.63]I highly doubt that.
[06:08.10]If you move your hamper...
[06:10.87]...you see how the tile used to be.
[06:16.47]I can't live like this! What are we gonna do?
[06:19.44]Relax. Here,hold this.
[06:21.11]This old stuff comes right up. I'll show you.
[06:26.51]A little more than I wanted to see.
[06:31.82]Look at that! Every inch of this is glued down!
[06:35.00]It'd take forever to pry this up. You should just leave it.
[06:40.50]I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor!
[06:53.64]There. There you go.
[06:56.58]Yeah,that's nice.
[06:58.01]We can put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!
[07:11.49]I know what I wanted to ask you. Can you roll your tongue?
[07:15.86]Because I can and my mom couldn't.
[07:18.73]And I figured that was something I got from our dad.
[07:22.67]Well,wait,you mean like this?
[07:26.21]Yeah,you can do it too. Yeah.
[07:29.68]You're not doing it.
[07:31.35]Oh,right. Okay. Yeah,my mom could and I can't.
[07:36.08]We don't have that.
[07:43.69]When's your birthday?
[07:45.13]
[07:46.93]I know a guy who's the 18th.
[07:51.13]That's close.
[07:54.30]When's yours?
[07:55.60]
[08:01.81]That's the same month as Halloween.
[08:08.58]So what kind of things do you like to do at home?
[08:12.65]Melt stuff.
[08:18.49]-Okay,I've got three of my five. -Three of your five what?
[08:22.66]Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
[08:25.67]God,you're giving this a lot of thought.
[08:28.14]Hey,it's hard,okay? I only have two spots left.
[08:30.94]All right. Who you got it narrowed down to?
[08:34.31]Elizabeth Hurley.
[08:36.34]Very attractive.
[08:37.68]Forgiving.
[08:41.58]Susan Sarandon.
[08:44.92]You know what? She's too political.
[08:47.19]She'd probably make you donate four cans of food first.
[08:53.29]And lsabella Rossellini.
[08:56.20]Very hot. Very sexy.
[08:57.67]But she's too international. She's never gonna be around.
[09:02.94]-So? -So you gotta play the odds.
[09:05.44]Pick somebody who's gonna be in the country all the time.
[09:09.18]Yeah. Because that's why you won't get lsabella Rossellini. Geography.
[09:23.89]Okay. So by "melting" you meant melting.
[09:29.46]So is it,like,art?
[09:30.87]Yeah,you can melt art.
[09:34.74]Hey,can I use your phone?
[09:37.54]-Sure. You want to call your mom? -No,I want to melt it.
[09:42.48]Oh. Well,not right now.
[09:51.22]I'm gonna go to bed. The fumes are giving me a headache. So....
[10:00.00]Good night,"bro."
[10:02.90]Good night.
[10:08.54]Here.
[10:10.37]Just in case.
[10:12.44]Oh,excellent!
[10:27.22]-What kind of karate is that? -No kind.
[10:32.13]He just makes it up.
[10:34.56]-How's it going with you guys? -So far it kind of blows.
[10:42.40]I don't know,I just thought he'd feel more like a brother.
[10:46.11]Like you and Ross. Close and connected and....
[10:48.74]We're close now. You wouldn't believe the years...
[10:51.48]...of noogies,and wedgies,and flying wedgies,and atomic wedgies and....
[10:57.82]That's when the waistband goes over your head.
[11:03.59]We drove each other crazy playing the shadow game.
[11:06.09]-How do you play the shadow game? -How do you play the shadow game?
[11:09.13]-I just asked you. -I just asked you.
[11:11.50]I don't have time for this.
[11:13.77]-That is what the game is. -You just gave up really quickly.
[11:20.17]-Seen Joey? -What's the matter?
[11:22.01]Oh,just this!
[11:29.38]It's my fault,really,because the couch is where we keep the varnish.
[11:35.86]Somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles?
[11:40.73]-What's going on? -He's retiling my floor.
[11:44.57]Spackle boy!
[11:47.30]-Get up! -You started this,you'll finish it!
[11:50.74]He started mine first!
[11:52.51]Build the unit,Cinderellie Lay the tile,Cinderellie
[12:00.75]Big octopus.
[12:11.23]Oh,my God! I totally forgot!
[12:14.33]Well,can't someone else do it?
[12:16.86]But I have company.
[12:22.00]Look,that's all right. I'll come in.
[12:25.84]I'm sorry, but I have to go into work.
[12:28.51]It's one of my regulars who's insisting that I do him,so....
[12:32.28]Hey,what kind of work do you do?
[12:35.22]I'm a masseuse.
[12:36.52]I give people massages and stuff.
[12:38.79]You work at one of those massage parlors?
[12:43.69]Well,you know,we don't call it that. But,yeah.
[12:50.26]That's wild.
[12:52.57]No,I had no idea.
[12:54.77]Alrighty.
[12:57.57]I'll be back in a little bit.
[12:59.31]Unless you want to come with me.
[13:01.48]You mean,like,watch?
[13:04.41]No. No,you can get one yourself. It'll be on the house.
[13:08.65]What are big sisters for?
[13:11.22]Well,I don't think this. You know?
[13:14.39]No. No,no. I wouldn't do you myself.
[13:16.66]I mean,that would be weird.
[13:22.46]This is so much fun!
[13:26.00]Are you excited?
[13:35.14]It's beautiful!
[13:37.18]It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was!
[13:42.62]What are you going in there for?
[13:45.12]You want,like,a number?
[13:51.33]Hi. Bye.
[13:54.53]Okay. I'm done with my choices.
[13:57.33]These are final.
[14:00.77]-Well,it's about time. -Yeah. Very official.
[14:03.94]Oh,yeah. Well,you know,Chandler printed it up on his computer.
[14:08.44]And who laminated it?
[14:11.81]That was me.
[14:14.05]All right,let me see.
[14:16.35]"Uma Thurman,Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurley...
[14:20.39]... Michelle Pfeiffer...
[14:22.72]... Dorothy Hamill"?
[14:30.23]Hey,it's my list!
[14:39.17]
[14:45.81]-What's going on? -She broke my arm!
[14:48.52]-He touched my fanny. -She touched mine first!
[14:51.35]That's my job!
[14:53.09]So what's the deal? I can have sex with you but I can't touch you?
[14:58.56]-You can't have sex with her! -Did you think I was a hooker?
[15:02.10]No,okay. I know. You're a masseuse. It's cool. I'm not a cop!
[15:08.94]Ask Mr. Wiffler if he can wait for five minutes.
[15:12.21]Fine.
[15:13.87]I don't like you.
[15:17.28]So that's what you thought I did? God!
[15:21.55]That's not what I do!
[15:23.75]Wait,that's not what you do?
[15:27.02]No!
[15:29.06]Why would you think that?
[15:30.86]I don't know. This is the city, you know? I just....
[15:34.46]I mean...
[15:35.93]... I don't know.
[15:38.87]Whatever. It's the perfect end to the perfect weekend anyway.
[15:44.14]Oh,wait.
[15:45.54]No,you're right. No,it was perfect.
[15:49.41]I can't believe I screwed it up so bad.
[15:53.78]You thought it was perfect?
[15:55.48]Well,no,maybe it wasn't perfect...
[16:00.72]Because we had all those great talks,you know?
[16:08.16]Which ones in particular were great for you?
[16:11.90]Well,you know,about the tongue thing,you know?
[16:14.77]And how I told you about my likes and my dislikes.
[16:20.07]How I like to melt stuff,and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.
[16:26.18]
[16:28.62]I feel like I can really talk to you because you're my sister,you know?
[16:36.26]Yeah. I guess I do.
[16:39.13]And then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
[16:44.20]Well,I wasn't hopping mad, you know?
[16:48.20]You hopped a little bit.
[16:52.34]Yeah,I'm really sorry. You know,I'm really....
[16:56.54]Okay.
[17:00.15]Well,this is my favorite part of the weekend. Right now. This.
[17:08.62]We found ninja stars. I almost get my arm broken by a hooker
[17:11.89]She's not a hooker.
[17:13.86]When I tell my friends about her, she will be.
[17:23.54]On 3!
[17:24.71]
[17:26.84]Why don't we just go on 2?
[17:28.68]Why 2?
[17:29.84]Because it's faster.
[17:31.51]I could've counted to 3 four times without all the "2" talk.
[17:35.22]-All right,but in the future -Heavy thing! Not getting lighter!
[17:40.69]
[17:42.32]So we are going with two?
[17:53.67]A good job,Joe.
[17:56.54]Wow.
[17:58.27]It's big.
[18:01.28]So big it actually makes our doors look smaller.
[18:05.01]Maybe my ruler's wrong.
[18:06.58]Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
[18:09.78]It's not that bad. So it blocks a little of your door,a little of mine.
[18:14.46]I got a better idea.
[18:15.76]How about it blocks none of my door, and a lot of your door?
[18:22.56]Listen,before I forget, that side is still wet.
[18:30.37]Let me just see if I've got this right.
[18:32.71]So this is a half-caf,double-tall, easy hazelnut...
[18:36.38]... nonfat,no foam,with whip, extra-hot latte,right?
[18:41.55]Okay. Great.
[18:43.72]You freak.
[18:51.39]Thank you.
[18:52.66]A coffee to go,please.
[18:58.57]Isabella Rossellini!
[19:00.17]Are you serious? Oh,my God!
[19:03.00]Damn! I cannot believe I took her off my list!
[19:06.74]Why? Because otherwise you'd go for it?
[19:11.68]Yeah,maybe.
[19:13.91]You lie.
[19:16.08]You don't think I'd go up to her?
[19:18.15]It took you 10 years to finally admit you liked me.
[19:29.60]You know what,honey? You go ahead. We'll call her an alternate.
[19:35.87]Hold my cruller.
[19:39.61]Are you really gonna let him do this?
[19:41.78]He's about to go hit on lsabella Rossellini.
[19:44.18]I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
[19:52.29]I'm Ross.
[19:54.02]You don't know me, but I'm a big,big fan of yours.
[19:57.83]I mean...
[19:59.49]
[20:04.03]I was wondering if I could maybe buy you a cup of coffee.
[20:12.51]Aren't you with that girl over there?
[20:19.31]Well,yeah,kind of.
[20:21.05]But that's okay. We have an understanding.
[20:24.02]We each have this list of five famous people,and you were one of mine.
[20:29.06]So I'm allowed to sleep with you.
[20:33.03]It's flattering.
[20:37.33]I don't know
[20:38.40]Wait. Wait,lsabella.
[20:41.57]Don't dismiss this so fast. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
[20:46.27]Yeah,for you.
[20:49.78]Is that the list?
[20:51.11]-Yes. -Can I see it?
[20:53.51]-Come on. -But Okay.
[20:56.52]I'm not on the list!
[20:57.92]But that's not the final draft.
[21:01.05]It's laminated.
[21:04.89]Okay,see,you were on my list.
[21:07.76]But then my friend,Chandler...
[21:13.07]... brought up the point that you are international.
[21:16.30]So I bumped you for Winona Ryder. Local.
[21:20.14]You know,it's ironic, because I have a list...
[21:23.78]...of five goofy coffeehouse guys.
[21:26.88]And yesterday,I just bumped you for that guy over there.
[21:39.06]We're just gonna be friends.
[21:46.40]You know what?
[21:48.90]Bet you I could fit in there.
[21:53.01]I got five bucks says you can't.
[21:56.81]Get out your checkbook,mister.
[21:59.75]Oh,I think I have the cash.
[22:07.69]You are dog,man!
[22:10.42]I totally fit!
[22:12.76]Yeah. You got me.
[22:15.10]I'm out five big ones.
[22:20.90]There you go.
[22:22.94]Thank you.
[22:28.21]Oh,well,hello,Mr. Lincoln!
[22:31.68]Better luck next time,buddy!
[22:34.38]And the drinks are on me!