[00:32.-1]...your nippular areas. …
[01:41.-4]-But you tell it really well,sweetie. -Thanks. Okay. -
[02:14.-1]Okay,you guys want anything else?
[03:06.-3]That's it? I mean,mittens are "nice."
[03:57.-1]-How did you know that? -It's textbook. -
[04:46.-3]I gotta go. Miss you too.
[10:22.-2]Good night,you guys.
[14:22.-2]Now I'm looking at my dad,thinking
[14:28.-4]When they wanted you in your father's business,did you cave?
[16:14.-4]-What's with you? -I thought it was Chandler! -
[17:32.-3]Why'd you fill your father's head with garbage...
[19:14.-3]I just did what I thought you'd want.
[23:34.-3]Hello,dear!
[00:16.09]-I'm sorry! -That is it! -
[00:18.76]You barge in here and you don't knock?
[00:21.37]You have no respect for privacy. No,you wait! -
[00:25.14]-Can I just say one thing? -What?! -
[00:27.77]That's a relatively open weave. I can still see...
[00:38.12]The One With The Boobies
[01:26.33]Honey,tell them the story about your patient...
[01:30.27]...who thinks things are other things.
[01:33.00]When the phone rings and she takes a shower.
[01:37.74]That's pretty much it.
[01:45.85]Now go away so we can talk about you.
[01:48.92]Okay. I'll miss you.
[01:52.62]-lsn't he great? -He's cute. He likes you so much. -
[01:56.29]I know. He's so sweet. And so complicated,you know?
[02:00.60]And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky.
[02:03.90]Think you'll do it on his couch?
[02:06.27]I don't know. That's a little weird.
[02:09.27]It's vinyl.
[02:16.51]-Could I have? -We're all out. Anybody else?
[02:20.92]Did I miss something?
[02:22.89]No,she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
[02:26.89]What were you doing seeing her boobies?
[02:30.10]It was an accident. I wasn't across the street with a telescope.
[02:35.80]Can we change the subject,please?
[02:38.74]These aren't her "boobies." These are her breasts.
[02:43.68]Pheebs,I was hoping for more of a change.
[02:47.81]I always liked "Bazoombas."
[02:51.02]Gives them a Latin spin.
[02:54.29]Can we drop this already,please?
[02:58.12]Why are you embarrassed? They were very nice boobies.
[03:03.03]"Nice"? They were "nice"?
[03:10.80]Okay. Rock,hard place. Me.
[03:20.01]You're so funny!
[03:22.51]He's really funny.
[03:24.75]I wouldn't wanna be there when the laughter stops.
[03:29.25]Whoa,back up there,sparky.
[03:32.92]What did you mean by that?
[03:35.19]It seems that maybe you have intimacy issues...
[03:38.60]...that you use your humor to keep people at a distance.
[03:45.00]I mean,I just met you. I don't know you from Adam.
[03:49.64]Only child,right?
[03:52.21]Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
[04:03.12]Hey,you guys. You all know my dad,right?
[04:06.82]-How long are you in the city? -Two days. I got a job. -
[04:10.53]I'm better off staying with Joey...
[04:12.90]...than going back and forth on the ferry.
[04:15.73]-I don't know this one. -This is my friend Roger. -
[04:19.04]-Good to meet you. -You too. -
[04:21.04]-What happened to the puppet guy? -Dad. -
[04:25.34]Oh,excuse me. So,Ross,how's the wife?
[04:32.22]0 for 2,huh?
[04:34.62]Chandler,say something funny.
[04:48.87]-I love you,but it's getting late -Say hi. Hey,Ma. -
[04:53.07]I made the appointment with Dr. Bassida and
[04:57.81]Excuse me?
[05:02.85]Did you know this isn't Ma?
[05:13.63]Her name's Ronni.
[05:15.86]She's a pet mortician.
[05:21.70]Sure.
[05:23.94]So,how long you been...?
[05:28.47]Remember when you were a kid, I'd take you to the navy yard?
[05:32.84]-Since then? -No,it's only been six years.
[05:36.68]I wanted you to think of a nice memory so you'd know I'm not a terrible guy.
[05:43.76]-What are you doing? -Chopping garlic. -
[05:46.22]You don't crush it?
[05:48.03]You're having an affair, I chop garlic. It's a wacky world.
[05:53.70]Joe,you ever been in love?
[05:57.90]-I don't know. -Then you haven't. -
[06:01.54]-You're burning tomatoes. -You're one to talk. -
[06:07.18]Your dad's in love. The worst part is, it's with two different women.
[06:12.35]Oh,man! Please tell me one of them is Ma.
[06:15.55]Of course one of them's Ma. What's the matter with you?
[06:27.00]It's like if you woke up and found out...
[06:29.87]...your dad leads this double life.
[06:32.30]He's like actually some spy working for the ClA.
[06:36.91]That'd be cool.
[06:39.04]This blows!
[06:41.71]Do you think Dad cheated?
[06:43.51]I don't think so. That would involve sex.
[06:46.38]I'd like to think that our parents don't do that.
[06:53.73]I know. Why can't parents just stay parents?
[06:57.03]Why do they have to become people? Why do they have?
[07:01.70]Why...
[07:04.87]...can't you stop staring at my breasts? …
[07:09.57]What?
[07:13.01]What?
[07:15.15]Didn't you get a good enough look?
[07:18.12]We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this.
[07:22.62]Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.
[07:36.47]You know, I don't see that happening.
[07:39.90]Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.
[07:47.15]Well,I'm not showing you my tat!
[07:53.82]-It's Phoebe. -And Rog! -
[07:57.76]Come on up.
[07:59.02]Oh,good! Rog is here.
[08:03.23]-What's the matter with Rog? -It's a little thing. I hate that guy! -
[08:09.13]So he was a little analytical. That's what he does.
[08:13.04]Come on,he's not that bad.
[08:15.14]You're wrong! Why would I marry her...
[08:18.14]...if I thought that she was a lesbian?
[08:21.78]I don't know. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
[08:30.69]Why? Why would l? Why?
[08:34.63]I don't know. Maybe low self-esteem?
[08:38.70]Maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling. Maybe
[08:43.53]Wait! Go back to that "sibling" thing.
[08:46.24]Well,I don't know.
[08:48.84]You could've sabotaged your marriage...
[08:52.28]...so the sibling would feel like less of a failure.
[08:59.65]That's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures.
[09:06.49]-You think I'm a failure? -lsn't he good? -
[09:09.29]Yeah. No,that's not what I was saying.
[09:12.70]I thought you were on my side.
[09:15.00]But maybe you sucked up to them so they'd favor you.
[09:18.87]I married a lesbian to make you look good!
[09:26.24]You're right. I mean,you're right.
[09:29.31]It wasn't just the Weebles, but the Weeble Play Palace...
[09:35.79]...and the Weeble's Cruise Ship...
[09:38.29]...with this lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
[09:43.66]And Mom just gave them all away.
[09:47.27]That's tough,tough stuff.
[09:50.20]Pheebs,we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta go.
[09:53.67]-Feel better. -We're gonna be late,sweetie. -
[09:57.61]-Thanks for everything,Mon. -No problem. -
[10:00.88]Listen,it was great seeing you again.
[10:05.35]Mon,easy on those cookies,okay?
[10:08.49]Remember,they're just food, they're not love.
[10:16.73]I hate that guy!
[10:26.34]Oh,look. It's the woman we ordered.
[10:33.11]Hey,can we help you?
[10:35.75]No,thanks. I'm just waiting for Joey Tribbiani.
[10:40.42]I'm Joey Tribbiani.
[10:42.85]Oh,no,not you. Big Joey. Oh,my God!
[10:47.09]You're so much cuter than your pictures.
[10:52.26]I'm Ronni.
[10:57.10]Cheese Nip?
[11:00.74]Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a nip.
[11:11.05]Most people, when their pets pass on...
[11:13.82]...want them like they're sleeping.
[11:16.69]Occasionally you get a person who wants them in a pose.
[11:20.93]Like chasing their tail.
[11:23.53]Or jumping to catch a Frisbee.
[11:28.10]Joey,if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
[11:33.30]-That's a good one! -Hey.
[11:35.07]Hey,Dad. Ronni's here.
[11:37.51]-Hi. -Hey.
[11:39.81]Hello,babe! What are you doing here?
[11:44.62]Oh,you left your hair at my place.
[11:47.69]I thought you'd need it tomorrow.
[11:53.12]Thank you.
[11:55.93]So,who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
[12:03.07]Look,I shouldn't have come.
[12:06.30]I better go. I'll miss the train.
[12:08.77]-I don't want you taking that thing. -Where do I stay? Here? -
[12:15.11]We'll go to a hotel.
[12:17.55]We'll go to a hotel.
[12:20.22]-No,you won't. -No,we won't.
[12:22.55]If you go to a hotel, you'll be doing stuff.
[12:25.56]I want you here so I can keep an eye on you.
[12:28.56]-You're gonna keep an eye on us? -Right. -
[12:31.80]As long as you are under my roof...
[12:34.53]...you're gonna live by my rules. —
[12:40.50]That means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
[12:44.11]Wow,he's strict.
[12:47.28]Dad,you'll be in my room. You can stay in Chandler's room.
[12:51.22]And Chandler will be?
[12:53.68]Out here with me,bunking up.
[12:56.00]Oh,bunking up. If you smell s'mores, don't be alarmed.
[13:00.62]Thanks. You're a good kid.
[13:03.33]I'll show you to my room.
[13:07.00]That sounds weird not followed by, "No,it's late."
[13:15.11]This is just for tonight. Tomorrow you gotta change.
[13:20.31]Change?
[13:21.55]-Break up with Ronni -I can't! -
[13:23.78]Then come clean with Ma! This is not right!
[13:27.08]I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!
[13:43.67]Hey,kickie!
[13:47.84]-What are you doing? -Getting comfortable. -
[13:50.74]-I can't sleep in my underwear. -Well,you're gonna. -
[14:00.48]I was thinking about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls....
[14:08.26]Are they end-to-end, or tall,like pancakes?
[14:12.13]You know,how I date all these women.
[14:15.43]I always figured,when the right one comes along...
[14:18.74]... I'll be able to go the distance.
[14:24.68]You're not him,you're you.
[14:32.02]-No. -No. -No.-No.
[14:33.28]You chose the out-of-work-actor business.
[14:37.56]That wasn't easy,but you did it.
[14:40.62]I believe when the right woman comes along...
[14:43.73]...you'll have the guts to say, "No,thanks,I'm married."
[14:54.07]-You really think so? -Yeah,I really do. -
[14:57.94]-Thanks,Chandler. -Get off!
[15:12.72]-Hi. -Hi. May I help you? -Hi -
[15:14.79]Joey said I could use your shower since Chandler's in ours.
[15:20.03]Okay. Who are you? ok.
[15:22.53]Oh,I'm Ronni. Ronni Rapalono.
[15:25.77]The mistress?
[15:29.54]-Come on in. -Thanks.
[15:31.54]I'm Rachel. Bathroom's there.
[15:33.71]Ronni,how long has Chandler been in the shower?
[15:37.31]Oh,like five minutes.
[15:40.28]Perfect.
[15:43.59]Fasten your seat belts, it's pee-pee time.
[15:53.03]-Hey,Mr. Trib. -Hey,good morning,dear. -
[15:58.07]Chandler Bing, it's time to see your thing.
[16:17.55]You were supposed to be in there so I'd see your thing!
[16:22.76]Sorry,my thing was in there with me.
[16:34.57]-How's it going? -Good.
[16:36.77]Roger's having a dinner thing. He wanted me to invite you guys.
[16:44.48]-So,what's going on? -Nothing.
[16:47.52]It's just....
[16:49.89]It's Roger,you know?
[16:52.19]There's something about
[16:54.16]We just feel that he's....
[16:56.49]-We hate that guy! -We hate him! -
[16:59.33]-We're sorry,Pheebs.
[17:02.30]Don't you think it's just that he's so perceptive...
[17:06.10]...it freaked you out?
[17:07.91]No,we hate him!
[17:09.91]I'm sorry.
[17:24.39]-Ma! What are you doing here? -I came to give you this and this! -
[17:30.19]Big ring!
[17:35.47]...about making things right?
[17:38.14]Things were fine this way!
[17:40.44]There's chicken in there. Put it away.
[17:43.61]For God's sake,Joey! Really.
[17:48.88]-Hold on. You knew? -Of course I knew. What do you think? -
[17:53.32]Your father is no James Bond.
[17:55.65]You should've heard his stories.
[17:58.00]"I'm sleeping over at my accountant's." “
[18:00.69]-What is that? Please! -So then,how could you? -
[18:05.00]Do you remember how your father used to be?
[18:07.87]Always yelling. Nothing made him happy.
[18:11.27]Not that wood shop,not those stupid little ships in the bottle.
[18:16.24]Now he's happy. I mean,it's nice. He has a hobby.
[18:23.15]Ma,I don't mean to be disrespectful...
[18:26.82]... but what the hell are you talking about?
[18:29.92]-I mean,what about you? -Me? I'm fine. -
[18:33.86]Look,honey,in an ideal world...
[18:37.90]...there'd be no her and your father would look like Sting.
[18:43.30]And something else:
[18:45.17]Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along...
[18:48.84]... he's so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive.
[18:53.48]He's been more loving. It's like every day is our anniversary.
[18:58.32]-I'm happy for you? -Well,don't be! -
[19:03.02]Now everything's screwed up.
[19:06.39]I just want it the way it was.
[19:10.86]Ma,I'm sorry.
[19:17.73]I know you did,cookie. I know you did.
[19:24.58]So tell me. Did you see her?
[19:30.18]Yeah.
[19:32.15]-You're 10 times prettier than she is. -That's sweet. -
[19:38.46]Could I take her?
[19:41.09]With this ring,no contest.
[19:55.01]Oh,no! Don't ever do that! oh,
[19:57.27]-What? -I'm sorry.
[19:58.68]I have a thing, which means you can't ever do that!
[20:04.68]-What's wrong,sweetie? -Nothing.
[20:08.39]-No,what's wrong? Come on. -Okay.
[20:15.56]It's nothing. I'm fine. It's just It's my friends.
[20:19.80]They have a liking problem with you...
[20:22.67]...in that they don't.
[20:29.17]They don't? They don't?
[20:31.34]But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see.
[20:35.88]They don't see all the good and sweet stuff.
[20:39.65]-They think you're a little -What?
[20:43.19]Intense and creepy.
[20:47.36]-Oh. -But I don't. Me,Phoebe. -oh -
[20:53.40]-I'm not at all surprised about that. -That's why you're so great. -
[20:58.67]It's quite typical behavior...
[21:01.07]...when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic.
[21:05.41]You know,this kind of codependent, emotionally stunted...
[21:10.21]...sitting in your stupid coffeehouse, with your stupid big cups...
[21:15.65]...which might as well have nipples on them.
[21:20.26]And you're all like, "Oh,define me! Define me!
[21:25.00]Love me! I need love!
[21:29.27]You talked to your dad?
[21:31.10]He's gonna keep cheating on Ma like she wanted.
[21:34.40]Ma will keep pretending she doesn't know.
[21:37.31]And my sister,Tina, can't see her husband.
[21:40.21]He got a restraining order.
[21:43.15]Which has nothing to do with it. I found out today.
[21:47.88]Things have changed here on Waltons'mountain.
[21:52.69]-So,Joey,are you okay? -Yeah,I guess.
[21:55.89]It's just You know,they're parents.
[21:58.50]After a certain point, you gotta let go.
[22:01.80]You gotta let them make their own mistakes.
[22:06.27]And think,in a few years, we'll turn into them.
[22:09.84]Oh,please.
[22:11.34]If I turn into my parents,I'll be an alcoholic blond chasing men...
[22:15.88]...or I'll end up like my mom!
[22:23.62]-Hey. -Hey,Pheebs.
[22:25.76]How's it going?
[22:27.66]Okay,except I broke up with Roger.
[22:32.63]-Yeah,right. -No,no,really.
[22:37.60]-What happened? -I don't know. I mean... -
[22:41.51]... he's a good person, and he can be really sweet.
[22:45.78]In some ways, I think he is so right for me.
[22:48.88]It's just.... I hate that guy!
[22:59.09]Hi,Joey. What's going on? Hi,
[23:01.89]Clear the tracks for the boobie payback.
[23:04.76]Next stop,Rachel Greene.
[23:12.87]Joey,what the hell were you doing?
[23:15.77]Sorry,wrong boobies!
[23:31.29]Hello,Joey!