[02:41.-2]I know.
[02:54.-4]He doesn't have anyone.
[03:10.-2]Put the kids to bed for this one.
[04:21.-2]Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London?
[06:49.-4]You watched the show. What did you think?
[08:03.-3]When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer.
[08:25.-1]Yeah,any messages for room 226? 226
[09:49.-2]-PIease. -No,really. -
[10:23.-2]I'II just pee in the street.
[11:54.-3]Well,not in the same way.
[16:07.-1]Rachel,can we do this now?
[16:18.-3]Now,you tell me she's not a knockout.
[18:14.-2]...doesn't mean you know her. You can't talk to her.
[20:17.-3]The car's waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends.
[23:57.-1]Wait,I just got to the part about her "public hair. "
[00:01.25]Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?
[00:04.25]I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
[00:08.65]Oh,my God! Don't Iook now. Behind you there's a guy...
[00:12.56]...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression.
[00:18.30]Come to mama.
[00:20.60]He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
[00:23.30]-Nice hat. -Thanks. -
[00:26.14]-We should do something. Whistle. -I' m not whistling. -
[00:28.94]Come on,do it!
[00:30.18]Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
[00:37.82]I can't believe you did that.
[00:41.09]The One With Mrs. Bing
[01:28.03]-It's all my fault. -No,it's mine. -
[01:30.84]Why did I whoo-hoo?
[01:32.70]Was I hoping he'd turn around and say...
[01:35.21]... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? …“
[01:39.11]I wish there was something we could do.
[01:44.52]Hello,coma guy.
[01:47.55]Get up,you Girl Scout! Up,up,up!
[01:49.82]What are you doing?
[01:51.29]Maybe nobody's tried this.
[01:56.00]I wish we at Ieast knew his name.
[01:58.53]I hate that they're calling him John Doe.
[02:01.47]It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer, a female deer.
[02:05.77]Oh,I was gonna stop.
[02:09.54]Look at that face.
[02:11.48]Even sleeping he Iooks smart.
[02:13.88]Yeah,but the dents in his knuckles mean he's artistic.
[02:17.82]Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.
[02:22.22]And he can dance.
[02:24.52]And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking,he's Iistening...
[02:29.03]... not saying," I understand "...
[02:31.03]... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked.
[02:36.57]I wish all guys could be Iike him.
[02:47.25]You don't even know this guy.
[02:49.35]Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
[02:55.45]We feel kind of responsible.
[02:58.29]I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. "
[03:01.46]I don't even say "whoo-hoo. "
[03:03.26]Oh,she's coming up. oh,
[03:05.00]When we return,we 'll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing.
[03:12.27]Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's is on Showtime and HBO.
[03:16.04]No way.
[03:17.51]-She's your mom. -Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's. -
[03:21.38]Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20,30 times.
[03:26.22]I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom's books.
[03:29.65]I can't get on a plane without one. This is so cool.
[03:32.56]You wouldn't think so if you were 1 1...
[03:35.23]...and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
[03:39.93]I remember page 79.
[03:42.73]The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip?
[03:49.64]I Iove your mom. I think she's a blast.
[03:52.14]That's because she's not your mom.
[03:54.21]Oh,please. She's the
[03:55.75]Hi,sweetie.
[03:59.45]When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome?
[04:03.72]-Last night. -Really?
[04:05.29]So,his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?
[04:08.79]Just a dream I had.
[04:11.03]But,phew!
[04:13.46]Hey,she's on.
[04:17.90]Nora Bing.
[04:25.81]Your mom was arrested?
[04:27.61]I'm busy beaming with pride.
[04:30.42]This is kind of embarrassing...
[04:33.25]...but occasionally,after I've been intimate with a man... …
[04:37.00]Why would she say that's embarrassing?
[04:40.36]...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. …
[04:43.83]That's too much information.
[04:49.93]Needless to say,he got a huge tip.
[04:56.81]Oh,God,I Iove her! oh,
[04:58.51]I think I' m having a stroke.
[05:02.28]So how is your book tour going?
[05:05.25]Oh,fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow,which I hate.
[05:09.52]But I get to see my son,who I love.
[05:13.52]This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
[05:17.66]Don 't take this wrong,I just don 't see you as a mom.
[05:21.80]-I don 't mean that bad. -Oh,no. I'm a fabulous mom. -
[05:26.34]I bought my son his first condoms.
[05:34.35]And then he burst into flames.
[05:45.42]Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill.
[05:50.00]The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45.
[05:55.83]And teams played sports.
[06:24.60]What about GIen?
[06:26.43]He could be a GIen.
[06:27.90]Not special enough.
[06:30.34]How about Agamemnon?
[06:32.74]Way too special.
[06:42.88]I'm famished. What do I want?
[06:45.48]PIease,God,don't Iet it be kung pao chicken.
[06:52.00]I think you need to come out of your shell.
[06:57.50]What is this dive?
[06:59.46]Only you could've picked this place.
[07:02.43]Come on. Shut up. It's fun. Give me a hug.
[07:06.00]I heard about the divorce. Lesbian,huh?
[07:10.84]Well,you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for.
[07:18.18]-I think we' re ready for some tequila. -I know I am. -
[07:21.22]-Who's doing shots? -Hit me. -
[07:23.42]There you go. Ross?
[07:25.19]I' m not really a shot-drinking kind of guy.
[07:27.89]Hi. Sorry we' re Iate.
[07:29.76]We kind of just,you know, Iost track of time.
[07:35.53]But a man can change.
[07:43.21]Anyone want me to appraise anything?
[07:56.49]Well,I' m gonna go to tinker-town.
[07:59.56]Mrs. Bing,I've read everything you've written.
[08:07.23]Oh,please. If I can do it,anybody can.
[08:10.44]Start with half a dozen European cities...
[08:12.77]...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia...
[08:15.71]...and you've got yourself a book.
[08:19.44]My mother,Iadies and gentlemen.
[08:29.45]-You okay,slugger? -Oh,yeah. I' m fine.
[08:45.30]What is with you tonight?
[08:47.17]Nothing. Nothing,nothing.
[08:50.61]Okay,thank you.
[08:55.18]It's the Italian hand-Iicker,isn't it?
[08:58.25]No. It's the one he's Iicking.
[09:01.82]She's supposed to be with you.
[09:04.52]You' re good.
[09:06.69]I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books,and you know why?
[09:11.93]The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
[09:16.87]No,because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with.
[09:22.14]I cannot sell a Paolo.
[09:24.28]People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo.
[09:27.65]Come on. The guy's a secondary character.
[09:31.05]He's just a complication you eventually kill off.
[09:35.62]When?
[09:39.06]He's not a hero.
[09:42.09]You know who our hero is?
[09:44.00]The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
[09:47.30]No,it's you.
[09:50.67]Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy.
[09:53.74]-Right. -Yes,you are.
[09:55.61]The fact that you don't think you are makes you sexier.
[09:59.41]Come on,kiddo. You' re gonna be fine,believe me.
[10:34.25]Is Chandler here?
[10:35.81]Wait. Come here.
[10:38.58]Okay,about Iast night... ok,
[10:41.15]...you know...
[10:42.25]... Chandler,you didn't tell....
[10:44.49]We don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal,right?
[10:49.09]Right. No big deal.
[10:51.16]In bizarro world.
[10:56.27]You broke the code.
[10:57.67]-What code? -You don't kiss your friend's mom. -
[11:00.84]Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt.
[11:04.61]But not a mom. Never a mom.
[11:09.88]What are you guys doing out here?
[11:12.08]Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game.
[11:17.12]But apparently somebody overslept.
[11:22.09]Well,you don't have your racquet.
[11:24.30]No. No,I don't because it's being restrung.
[11:27.26]Somebody was supposed to bring me one.
[11:30.64]Well,you didn't call and Ieave your grip size.
[11:35.94]You guys are spending way too much time together.
[11:41.81]I' m scum. I' m scum.
[11:43.55]-How could you Iet this happen? -I don't know. -
[11:46.25]It's not Iike she's a regular mom.
[11:48.39]She's sexy. She's....
[11:50.39]You don't think my mom's sexy?
[11:56.79]I'II have you know,GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day.
[12:02.13]You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
[12:07.41]Okay,I think we're getting into a weird area here.
[12:12.84]What are you doing here?
[12:15.75]Not playing racquetball.
[12:19.72]-He forgot to Ieave his grip size. -He didn't get the goggles. -
[12:25.92]Sounds Iike you two have issues.
[12:31.53]Goodbye,baby.
[12:35.07]Do they wait for me to do this?
[12:43.44]-Are you gonna tell him? -Why would I tell him? -
[12:46.84]If you don't,his mother might.
[12:50.58]What are you guys doing here?
[12:53.42]He's not even wearing a jock strap.
[13:01.39]What did I ask?
[13:17.81]What are you doing here?
[13:19.64]Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by,you know,after...
[13:23.05]...that I,you know.
[13:24.48]So,what are you doing here?
[13:27.42]I' m not really here.
[13:29.45]I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way.
[13:36.39]Do you come here a Iot...
[13:40.06]...without me?
[13:41.47]No,no,no.
[13:46.90]Do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
[13:51.81]How would I know? I wasn't here.
[13:54.58]Really? Not even to change his pajamas?
[14:02.05]Oh,my God.
[14:03.29]You're my friend. I had to tell you.
[14:06.32]I can't believe it.
[14:09.03]Paolo kissed my mom?
[14:11.73]I don't know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot.
[14:15.13]I mean,you know how he gets
[14:19.57]I can't do this. I did it.
[14:21.74]It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom.
[14:24.71]What?
[14:26.21]I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila,and Nora...
[14:31.22]... Mrs. Mom,your Bing,was...
[14:35.00]... being nice. But nothing happened.
[14:37.56]Nothing. Ask Joey.
[14:39.06]-Joey came in -You knew about this? -
[14:42.23]You know,knowledge is a tricky thing.
[14:45.83]Why didn't you tell me?
[14:48.40]You're Iucky I caught them,or else who knows what would've happened?
[14:52.40]Thanks,man. Big help.
[14:54.54]What the hell were you thinking?
[14:56.94]I wasn't. I don't know. I
[14:59.14]No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
[15:02.71]-I know. -I can't believe you did this. -
[15:05.22]-Me neither. -I' m mad at you too. -
[15:07.75]-Why are you mad at me? -Let me slam the door. -
[15:11.62]I didn't kiss her. See what happens when you break the code?
[15:29.21]"A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " “
[15:32.44]I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter.
[15:36.05]Do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"?
[15:42.72]Yeah,I'd say so.
[15:45.26]And there's no "J " in "engorged. "
[15:53.90]-You going to the hospital tonight? -No. You? -
[15:56.93]No. You?
[16:00.91]You just asked me.
[16:03.14]Maybe it was a trick question.
[16:11.12]I am so hot.
[16:14.65]Here's my mom and dad on their wedding day.
[16:22.36]-I can't believe this conversation. -Just try to picture her not pregnant. -
[16:29.13]Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
[16:34.87]Thanks.
[16:38.14]I'd Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met...
[16:43.08]...who's come to be very important to me.
[16:51.26]You don 't have to be awake To be my man
[16:57.23]Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand
[17:03.63]Though we just met the other day
[17:06.07]There 's something I have got to say
[17:10.64]Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break.
[17:16.08]That was Phoebe Buffay,everybody.
[17:20.78]-What the hell was that? -Phoebe just started -
[17:23.75]I was talking to Joey. AII right,there,mother-kisser?
[17:32.76]" Mother-kisser. "
[17:35.83]I'II shut up.
[17:37.33]I know you' re still mad at me...
[17:40.04]... but there were two people there that night.
[17:43.37]-There were two sets of Iips. -I expect this from her. -
[17:46.84]She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
[17:49.51]Then why don't you say something?
[17:52.85]Because it's complicated. It's complex.
[17:56.12]You kissed my mom.
[18:01.46]We' re rehearsing a Greek play.
[18:05.13]That's funny. Are we done now?
[18:07.06]You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel?
[18:10.53]Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom...
[18:17.41]Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?
[18:21.01]Okay,that's my finger.
[18:22.71]Okay,that's my knee.
[18:25.52]Still doing the play.
[18:35.53]What did you do with him?
[18:41.40]-You're awake. -Look at you. -
[18:43.50]How do you feel?
[18:45.67]A Iittle woozy,but basically okay.
[18:47.94]Gosh,you Iook good.
[18:50.07]I feel good.
[18:52.74]Who are you?
[18:54.45]-Sorry. -I'm Phoebe. -
[18:56.25]I' m Monica. I've been caring for you.
[18:59.02]We both have.
[19:00.32]-The Etch A Sketch is from you? -Actually,me. -
[19:03.59]-I got you the foot massager. -I shaved you. -
[19:06.52]-I read to you. -I sang. -
[19:11.03]Well,thanks.
[19:12.70]-Oh,my pleasure. -You' re welcome. -
[19:15.13]So I guess I'II see you around.
[19:19.27]What? That's it?
[19:21.57]"See you around "
[19:23.47]-What do you want me to say? -I don't know. -
[19:26.78]Maybe...
[19:28.31]... "That was nice. "
[19:29.88]" It meant something to me. "
[19:32.48]" I'II call you. "
[19:35.09]-Okay. I'II call you. -I don't think you mean that. -
[19:41.79]This is so typical.
[19:44.13]You know,we give and we give...
[19:47.00]...and we give.
[19:48.80]And we just get nothing back.
[19:51.17]And then one day,you wake up, and it's,"See you around. "
[19:57.31]Let's go,Phoebe.
[20:00.74]You know what? We thought you were different.
[20:04.38]But I guess it was just the coma.
[20:21.17]Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss.
[20:25.10]Here's the kiss, here's the goodbye....
[20:28.41]-Anything you want from Lisbon? -Just knowing you' re there is enough. -
[20:33.34]AII right. Well,be good. I Iove you.
[20:39.75]You kissed my best Ross.
[20:44.19]Or something to that effect.
[20:52.86]Look,it was stupid.
[20:55.00]-Really stupid. -Really stupid. -
[20:59.54]I don't even know how it happened.
[21:02.27]I' m sorry,honey. I promise it will never happen again.
[21:07.14]Really,really stupid.
[21:09.15]Really,really stupid.
[21:12.75]-Are we okay now? -Yeah. -
[21:15.59]No.
[21:22.06]The forbidden Iove of a man and his door.
[21:27.06]He told her off. And not just about the kiss.
[21:30.53]You're kidding?
[21:31.80]He said,"When are you gonna start being a mom? "
[21:35.44]Then she said:
[21:36.84]"The question is,when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? "
[21:43.35]Are you sure she didn't say:
[21:45.42]"When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? "
[21:52.59]-That makes more sense. -You think? -
[21:56.89]What's going on now?
[21:58.80]I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you.
[22:04.37]I don't hear anything. Wait.
[22:06.44]What do you see?
[22:07.70]It's hard to tell. They're tiny and upside down.
[22:10.34]Wait,wait,wait.
[22:11.88]They're walking away. They're walking away.
[22:15.61]No,they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run!
[22:21.55]-Are you okay,kiddo? -Yeah,I' m okay.
[22:24.32]AII right. You be good.
[22:26.39]Drive safe.
[22:29.93]-Mrs. Bing. -Mr. Geller.
[22:41.00]You mean that?
[22:43.27]Yeah,why not?
[22:47.01]So I told her.
[22:49.45]-How did it go? -Awful. Awful. -
[22:51.65]Couldn't have gone worse.
[22:54.32]-Well,how do you feel? -Pretty good. -
[22:59.19]I told her.
[23:00.86]Well,see?
[23:02.93]So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your mom,huh?
[23:07.43]But we don't have to go down that road.
[23:16.64]This is just the first chapter...
[23:18.94]...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?
[23:24.18]And on page two,he's not reaching for her " heaving beasts. "
[23:29.79]She could have heaving beasts.
[23:32.42]Right,but in this case she doesn't.
[23:36.16]What's a " niffle"?
[23:37.49]You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
[23:42.53]Okay,so I' m not a great typist.
[23:45.00]Did you get to the part about his "huge,throbbing pens"?
[23:49.61]You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those.
[23:54.31]That's it. Give them back.