[03:37.-3]-Phoebe,you' re on. -Oh,good.
[05:14.-3]Sorry,l
[06:15.-4]I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet.
[08:42.-2]Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
[09:31.-1]The longer I waited,the more phenomenal the kiss had to be.
[10:55.-2]-Your ex-boyfriend? -Yeah. -
[12:37.-2]If you see him,tell him to pack. We are going to Minsk.
[13:16.-2]Congratulations! This is so exciting!
[15:03.-4]Of course,we were,but Forgive and forget.
[17:51.-4]-Ow! -Okay.
[18:41.-3]... but at least check in.
[18:59.-1]Kill me. Kill me now.
[20:02.-4]Let me talk to you for just a sec.
[20:15.-3]-l' m sorry. -Yeah,yeah,okay. -
[20:27.-2]All right,Janice,that's it!
[22:34.-3]... because you don't wanna start the year with me if you can't finish it.
[24:00.-1]... but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here.
[00:05.92]All right! You guys, it's starting to snow.
[00:09.75]And look,Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candy canes.
[00:14.16]Where?
[00:16.43]Oh. Well.
[00:19.30]That's festive.
[00:23.50]Guys,there's somebody I'd like you to meet.
[00:29.54]Wait,wait. What is that?
[00:31.48]-That's Marcel. Wanna say hi? -No,I don't. -
[00:34.68]-He's cute! Where'd you get him? -My friend Bethel saved him from a lab. -
[00:39.42]That is so cruel.
[00:41.00]Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
[00:47.39]That monkey's got a Ross on his ass.
[00:54.67]Is he gonna live with you in your apartment?
[00:57.84]Yeah. It's been kind of quiet since Carol left.
[01:01.24]Why not get a roommate?
[01:03.24]You reach a certain age,having a roommate is just kind of pathet
[01:11.05]That's " pathet. " Sanskrit for " really cool way to live.
[01:16.86]The One With the Monkey
[02:04.90]I' m doing new material tonight.
[02:07.41]I have 1 2 songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
[02:14.18]You might wanna open with the snowman.
[02:18.08]-Hi,Joey. -Hey,buddy.
[02:20.55]-So how'd it go? -I didn't get the job. -
[02:25.66]How could you not? You were Santa last year.
[02:29.66]Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager.
[02:35.03]He's not even jolly. It's all political.
[02:38.10]-What are you gonna be? -One of his helpers. -
[02:41.57]It's just such a slap in the face, you know?
[02:44.78]Do you know what you' re doing for New Year's?
[02:49.38]Hey,what? What is wrong with New Year's?
[02:52.32]You have Paolo. You don't have to face the pressure...
[02:56.82]...of finding lips to kiss when the ball drops!
[03:01.03]Man,I'm talking loud!
[03:04.33]Paolo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's.
[03:08.03]-I'll be just as pathetic as you. -Yeah,you wish. -
[03:13.84]I've got an idea. Dinner.
[03:16.21]It's perfect. We'll put it between lunch and breakfast.
[03:21.75]I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.
[03:25.72]I say this year,we make a pact. Just the six of us. Dinner.
[03:30.16]-Sure. -Fine.
[03:31.76]I was hoping for more enthusiasm.
[03:39.66]Hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand...
[03:43.60]... Miss Phoebe Buffay.
[03:49.24]Hi. Thanks. Hi. hi.
[03:52.44]I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me.
[04:01.69]I made a man with eyes of coal
[04:05.02]And a smile so bewitching
[04:08.89]How was I supposed to know
[04:11.70]That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
[04:21.71]My mother's ashes
[04:24.54]Even her eyelashes
[04:27.81]Are resting in a little yellow jar
[04:36.35]And sometimes when it's freezing
[04:39.82]I feel a little sneezy
[04:42.86]And now I Excuse me? Excuse me? Yeah,noisy boys.
[04:49.17]Is it something you'd like to share with the group?
[04:54.07]No. No,that's okay.
[04:56.77]If it's important enough while I'm playing...
[04:59.91]...it's important enough for everyone else.
[05:03.31]That guy's going home with a note.
[05:11.52]-I was just saying -Speak up. -
[05:16.13]I was saying you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
[05:20.73]And he said that Daryl Hannah...
[05:23.13]...was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
[05:26.67]I said I liked her in Splash, but not Wall Street.
[05:30.07]I thought she had a hard quality.
[05:34.11]While Daryl is beautiful in a conventional way...
[05:37.62]...you are luminous with a kind of delicate grace.
[05:43.76]Then that's when you started yelling.
[05:54.63]We're gonna take a short break.
[06:01.11]That guy's going home with more than a note.
[06:09.05]Come here,Marcel. Sit here.
[06:18.12]By my sixth date with Paolo, he'd already named both my breasts.
[06:26.23]Did I just share too much?
[06:29.93]Just a smidge.
[06:32.44]David's,like,a scientist guy. He's very methodical.
[06:36.24]-I think it's romantic. -Me too! -
[06:38.51]Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
[06:42.28]He's kind of like the guy I went to see that with.
[06:50.79]Except he's smarter and gentler and sweeter.
[06:55.59]I just wanna be with him all the time.
[06:58.70]You know,day and night. And night and day.
[07:02.27]And special occasions.
[07:07.17]I see. You're gonna ask him to New Year's.
[07:10.44]-She's gonna break the pact. -No! No,no.
[07:14.71]No. Yeah,could I just?
[07:19.62]-Yeah. I already asked Janice. -What? -
[07:22.65]This was a pact! This was your pact!
[07:25.59]I couldn't handle the pressure. I snapped!
[07:28.43]But that was the worst breakup in history!
[07:31.66]I'm not saying it was a good idea. I snapped!
[07:36.43]Hi,sorry I'm late.
[07:47.81]Too many jokes.
[07:51.15]Must mock Joey.
[07:55.02]Nice shoes,huh?
[07:57.86]God,you're killing me!
[08:01.73]Ross,he's playing with my spatulas again!
[08:05.20]-He's not gonna hurt them,right? -Do you always have to bring him? -
[08:11.24]I didn't wanna leave him alone. We had our first fight this morning.
[08:17.74]It has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean.
[08:24.82]He threw some feces.
[08:30.46]If you're working late, I can look in on him.
[08:33.69]That would be great!
[08:35.73]But make sure it seems like you're there to see him.
[08:39.70]You're not doing it for me.
[08:51.54]But you can't actually test this theory.
[08:54.31]T oday's particle accelerators aren't powerful enough...
[08:58.72]-...to simulate these conditions. -I have a question then. -
[09:03.15]-Yeah? -Do you plan on kissing me ever?
[09:09.86]That's definitely a valid question, and the answer...
[09:14.70]...would be yes. Yes,I was.
[09:22.84]But I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss...
[09:26.24]...at a phenomenal moment because it's you.
[09:29.68]Sure.
[09:35.19]Now,it's just gotta be one of those things where l...
[09:39.52]...sweep everything off the table. …
[09:42.76]And I'm not really a sweeping sort of fella.
[09:45.86]David,I think you are a sweeping sort of fella.
[09:50.10]I mean,you're a sweeper trapped inside a physicist's body.
[09:55.41]-Really? -I'm sure
[09:57.11]You should just do it. Just throw me.
[10:03.41]-Now? -Yeah,right now. Just....
[10:05.92]Okay. Okay. Okay.
[10:10.69]You know what? This is really expensive.
[10:14.63]And this was a gift.
[10:17.73]-Now you' re just tidying up. -Okay. -
[10:25.07]-You want me to throw you? -I can hop. -
[10:44.46]T ell me something,what does " no-date pact" mean to you?
[10:48.73]It's just that Chandler and Phoebe have somebody.
[10:52.80]I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
[10:57.40]-You know more than one Fun Bobby? -I happen to know a Fun Bob. -
[11:03.91]-Okay. Here we go. -There's no room for milk. -
[11:13.82]There. Now there is.
[11:16.15]So on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
[11:21.03]-Four. -Five.
[11:24.23]Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
[11:27.10]And I met this really hot single mom at the store.
[11:31.17]What's an elf to do?
[11:33.54]So I'll be the only one alone when the ball drops?
[11:38.14]We'll have a big party, and no one will know who's with who.
[11:42.55]I'll know. This is so not what I needed right now.
[11:46.68]-What's the matter? -Oh,it's Marcel. -
[11:51.72]He's angry with me. I have no idea why. He keeps shutting me out.
[11:56.83]He's walking around all the time, dragging his hands.
[12:01.17]That's weird. I had a blast with him.
[12:04.44]-Really? -We played,watched TV. -
[12:06.67]That juggling thing is amazing.
[12:12.14]What juggling thing?
[12:14.85]With the socks? I figured you taught him that.
[12:18.65]No.
[12:21.02]It wasn't that big a deal. Just socks. And a melon.
[12:29.26]-Phoebe! -Max. Do you know everybody? -
[12:32.06]No. Have you seen David?
[12:35.23]He hasn't been around.
[12:41.14]-Minsk? -Minsk. It's in Russia.
[12:44.74]I know where Minsk is.
[12:48.21]We got the grant. Three years,all expenses paid.
[12:52.32]And if you're gonna do Minsk, that's the way to go.
[12:56.65]-So when do you leave? -January 1 st. -
[13:07.06]-Hello? -What? Hey. Hi. -
[13:12.17]-What are you doing here? -Max told me about Minsk. -
[13:20.14]It'd be even more exciting if we were going.
[13:23.31]Oh,you're not going? Oh,why?
[13:27.18]T ell her. " I don't wanna go...
[13:29.42]...to work with Lipson, Yamaguchi and Flank. …
[13:32.89]I wanna stay and make out with my girlfriend! "
[13:36.36]Okay,thank you,Max. Thank you.
[13:40.36]So you're really not going?
[13:42.53]I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just....
[13:45.87]How can I leave you? I just found you.
[13:48.77]Oh,David. But what are you gonna do?
[13:54.68]I don't know. You decide.
[13:57.21]-Don't do that. -But l' m asking you. -
[14:00.25]-I can't make a decision. Just -Okay. Stay. -
[14:06.19]-Stay. -Stay. -
[14:15.63]Getting so good at that!
[14:19.34]It was Max's stuff.
[14:29.38]I love this artichoke thing.
[14:32.32]Don't tell me what's in it. The diet starts tomorrow.
[14:40.32]You remember Janice.
[14:43.69]Vividly.
[14:45.90]-How are you? -I am fantastic. -
[14:49.83]Now. …
[14:52.50]It's amazing. We've been back together for what...
[14:56.44]-...Iike 1 0 minutes,and -ls that all? -…
[15:00.58]It's like we were never apart.
[15:06.58]Well,forget.
[15:19.80]-Hi. -Hi,l' m Sandy. -Hi -Hi,
[15:21.43]Sandy,hi. Come on in.
[15:33.78]-You brought your kids. -Yeah. That's okay,right? -
[15:40.08]-Party! -That thing is not coming in here! -
[15:44.59]This is how you greet guests?
[15:47.32]If I showed up with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome?
[15:52.53]Your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.
[15:56.80]He was more embarrassed about that than anyone.
[16:02.01]And for him to have the courage to walk back in here...
[16:06.51]...Iike nothing happened
[16:09.08]All right. All right. Just keep him away from me.
[16:12.55]Thank you. Come on,Marcel.
[16:15.29]What do you say you and I mingle?
[16:18.89]All right,I'll catch up with you later.
[16:28.60]Oh,my gosh! Rachel,honey,are you okay?
[16:33.67]-Where's Paolo? -Rome. Jerk missed his flight. -
[16:39.08]And then your face exploded?
[16:42.78]No.
[16:44.65]Okay. I was at the airport getting into a cab...
[16:48.69]...when this woman,this blond planet with a pocketbook...
[16:53.82]...starts yelling. Something about how it was her cab first.
[16:58.30]The next thing,she just starts pulling me out by my hair!
[17:02.60]And I was blowing my attack whistle thingy...
[17:05.70]...and three more cabs show up.
[17:08.47]So as I'm going to get into a cab, she tackles me!
[17:13.54]And I hit my head on the curb and cut my lip on my whistle.
[17:22.49]Everybody having fun at the party?
[17:26.89]-Are people eating my dip? -Yes. -
[17:34.77]There.
[17:36.90]-That looks okay,right? -You went a bit wide on the lipstick. -
[17:41.21]-Oh,I did? -Yeah.
[17:43.87]It's hard for me to tell. My eye's closing up.
[17:47.78]Let me get it for you.
[17:52.45]You know what? It looks fine.
[17:55.32]Okay,here we go.
[17:58.02]Screw Paolo, screw the psycho cab lady.
[18:02.26]It's New Year's Eve. Let's have a good time.
[18:05.40]-Okay,here we go. -Okay.
[18:07.26]All right,there you go. This way.
[18:11.44]Here you go.
[18:16.41]When I saw you at the store last week...
[18:19.61]...it was the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
[18:26.28]-Wow,that's dirty. -Yeah. -
[18:32.40]Hey,kids.
[18:37.26]He doesn't have to spend the whole evening with me...
[18:44.13]There you are!
[18:47.64]You got away from me.
[18:50.54]-But you found me. -Here,Ross,take our picture. -
[18:54.81]Smile. You' re on Janice Camera.
[19:05.76]Hi,l' m Rachel. hi,
[19:08.69]So whose friend are you?
[19:14.60]Look at me,spilling everywhere.
[19:19.94]Everybody,it's Fun Bobby!
[19:25.08]Hey,sorry I'm late. But my grandfather...
[19:28.71]...died about two hours ago.
[19:30.75]But I couldn't get a flight out till tomorrow,so here I am.
[19:36.89]Hey,Fun Bobby! How's it going,man? Whoa! Who died?
[19:46.63]It's gonna be an open casket, you know?
[19:50.70]So at least I'll get to see him again.
[19:57.71]Bobby? Fun Bobby?
[20:04.78]I recently lost a grandparent myself...
[20:07.52]...so I really know exactly how you feel.
[20:10.75]But you' re really bringing the party down.
[20:18.60]There you go. There you go.
[20:21.87]I' m gonna blow this one up and write " Reunited " in glitter.
[20:29.11]Janice. Janice.
[20:31.91]Hey,Janice,when I invited you, I didn't think it meant
[20:36.91]Oh,no!
[20:43.22]I' m sorry you misunderstood.
[20:46.00]You listen to me! You listen to me!
[20:48.46]One of these times,it's just gonna be your last chance with me!
[20:55.17]Will you give me the thing?
[21:00.80]-Hi,Max. -Yoko. -
[21:08.31]I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
[21:12.62]-Wow. -lt won't be the same... -
[21:16.25]... but it will still be Minsk. Happy New Year. …
[21:21.53]-Are you all right? -Yeah,l' m fine. I' m fine. -
[21:30.63]Come on.
[21:34.20]-You' re going to Minsk. -No,l' m not going to Minsk. -
[21:38.68]You are so going to Minsk.
[21:40.61]You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just for me.
[21:44.72]If I go,I have to break up with you.
[21:47.62]-And I can't break up with you. -Yes,you can. -
[21:50.82]Just say," Phoebe,I love you, but my work is my life.
[21:55.46]That's what I have to do. " “
[21:57.36]And I say,"Your work? How can you say that? "
[22:02.37]Then you say," I have no choice. Can't you understand that? "
[22:07.77]And I say," No! No! I can't understand that! "
[22:12.04]-Ow. -Sorry.
[22:15.31]And then you put your arms around me.
[22:18.45]-Then you put your arms around me. -Oh,sorry. -
[22:22.62]And then you tell me you love me and you'll never forget me.
[22:27.39]I'll never forget you.
[22:31.09]Then you say that you have to go...
[22:45.14]I' m gonna miss you, you scientist guy.
[22:51.18]Hi,Dick Clark in Times Square.
[22:53.38]We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square.
[22:58.49]It gets better every....
[23:00.46]Here you go,kids.
[23:02.76]And then the peacock bit me.
[23:06.40]Please kiss me at midnight!
[23:13.44]-You seen Sandy? -I don't know how to tell you this... -
[23:17.14]... but she's in the bedroom getting it on with Max.
[23:21.58]Oh,I did know how to tell you.
[23:25.05]-Hey,everybody,the ball is dropping. -What?
[23:29.65]The ball is dropping!
[23:34.06]In 20 seconds,it'll be midnight.
[23:36.86]And the moment of joy is upon us.
[23:40.16]Looks like that no-date pact worked out.
[23:43.53]Everybody looks so happy. I hate that!
[23:46.20]Not everybody is happy. Hey,Bobby!
[23:48.74]four,three,two...
[23:51.61]...one! Happy New Year! …1!
[23:56.45]I thought I'd throw this out. I' m no math whiz...
[24:06.26]I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
[24:09.29]-I can't kiss anyone. -So,I'm kissing everyone? -
[24:13.83]No,you can't kiss Ross. That's your brother.
[24:17.27]So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
[24:20.07]Somebody kiss me.
[24:21.51]Somebody kiss me! It's midnight! Somebody kiss me!
[24:25.54]All right! All right!
[24:28.04]There!
[24:35.89]I wanted this to work so much.
[24:39.12]I'm still in there.
[24:41.09]Changing his diapers. Picking his fleas.
[24:44.73]But he's just phoning it in.
[24:48.90]It's hard that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
[24:54.30]I think that bitch cracked my tooth.