[00:08.-4]This is so exciting!
[01:02.-2]A thing through which you can tinkle A thing through which you can tinkle
[01:23.-3]The One With the Butt
[02:33.-3]Is it? It feels like 2.
[03:19.-1]-You could do that. -You think? -
[03:54.-1]Yes,you said that.
[05:09.-4]"Loved your work. Call me a sap. " "
[06:09.-4]Joey... Joey...
[07:17.-4]Hey,kids!
[08:11.-2]We talked until 2:00. It was perfect.
[10:02.-1]-I couldn't. -Good for you. -
[10:07.-4]... I' m going out with more people than her. ...
[11:13.-1]Nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
[17:57.-4]Once again,rolling. Water working.
[19:57.-2]... but it's like l' m two guys. One guy's saying,"This is great! " ...
[20:02.-1]But there's this other guy.
[21:33.-2]No? What happened,big guy?
[24:18.-2]Or play with or simply let hang
[00:05.45]Oh,look! There's Joey's picture!
[00:09.49]You can spot someone who's never seen his plays.
[00:12.72]Notice,no fear. No sense of impending doom.
[00:17.00]"The role of man number three will not be played by Vic Shapiro. " "
[00:22.30]We came on the wrong night.
[00:26.07]I can't believe I forgot a magazine.
[00:28.64]-Come on,this might be good. -I don't know. -
[00:31.84]The exclamation point scares me. It's not just Freud,it's Freud!
[00:37.85]Magic is about to happen!
[00:40.79]Well,Eva...
[00:43.09]...we've done some excellent work here.
[00:47.46]And I would have to say...
[00:49.73]...your problem is quite clear. ……
[00:55.30]All you want is a dinkle All you want is a dinkle
[00:58.90]What you envy's a schwang What you envy's a schwang
[01:05.58]To play with or simply let hang To play with or simply let hang
[02:22.85]I feel violated.
[02:25.52]Did anybody else feel like peeling their skin off...
[02:29.06]...to have something else to do?
[02:31.73]Ross,1 0:00.
[02:36.03]-No,1 0:00! -What?
[02:39.80]There's a beautiful woman at 8,9,1 0:00!
[02:45.84]Hello!
[02:47.31]She's amazing! She makes the women l dream about look like fat,bald men.
[02:53.12]Go over. She's not with anyone.
[02:55.22]And what would my opening line be? Excuse me....
[03:01.26]Come on,she's a person. You can do it.
[03:03.86]Could she be more out of my league? Back me up.
[03:07.07]He couldn't get a woman like that in a million years.
[03:12.04]You always see these beautiful women with "nothing" guys.
[03:16.07]You could be one of those guys.
[03:21.18]Absolutely!
[03:22.68]I can't believe I'm considering this.
[03:25.22]-l' m very aware of my tongue. -Come on. -
[03:28.02]Here goes.
[03:30.00]Stand back,everyone. Incoming ego shrapnel.
[03:33.36]All right,I can do this.
[03:39.50]-Yes? -Hi.
[03:43.27]Okay,next word would be...
[03:45.54]... Chandler. …
[03:47.74]Chandler is my name and....
[03:50.91]Hi! Hi!
[03:55.65]Yes! Yes,I did. But what I didn't say....
[03:58.88]What I wanted to say was...
[04:01.12]...would you like to go out with me? Thank you. Good night. ……
[04:05.06]Chandler?
[04:09.83]-I didn't know you could dance! -You were in a play! -
[04:13.30]What'd you think?
[04:15.57]-I didn't know you could dance! -You were in a play! -
[04:19.07]It wasn't that bad. I was the lead.
[04:21.84]It was better than the troll thing. At least you got to see my head.
[04:26.31]-You're right. -We saw your head. -
[04:29.01]How about that accent?
[04:31.15]Yeah. All of your W's were V's.
[04:37.46]She said yes!
[04:40.29]Awful play,man!
[04:44.36]Her name's Aurora. She's ltalian and she pronounces my name " Chandler. "
[04:50.80]I like that better.
[04:52.34]The usher gave me this.
[04:54.37]-What is it? -The Estelle Leonard T alent Agency.
[04:57.68]An agency left its card. They wanna sign me!
[05:00.61]Based on this play?
[05:04.28]Based on this play!
[05:06.58]Look! There's a note on the back.
[05:14.43]She was obviously very moved!
[05:17.10]You should call her fairly quickly.
[05:19.80]Yeah! As soon as possible!
[05:25.54]Come in!
[05:28.31]Hi. I'm here to see Estelle Leonard. Hi.
[05:30.91]Just a moment,let me see if she's in.
[05:35.35]Hello.
[05:38.75]-You' re Estelle? -I know... -
[05:40.82]...you weren't expecting someone so fantastically beautiful. ……
[05:47.59]Love lump. T ake a load off already, darling. Sit already.
[05:53.00]I can't tell you how excited I am to be here.
[05:56.43]Why not?
[05:59.44]-What I meant was -You don't mind if I eat,do you? -
[06:10.15]...sweetheart,let me ask you a question. ……
[06:13.55]Did you ever see the movie Sleepless in Seattle?
[06:17.42]-Wow! Do you represent those actors? -No.
[06:21.19]But you know the end, where they' re happy?
[06:24.83]That's gonna be you and me.
[06:28.40]You mean you wanna sign me?
[06:30.50]No,I wanna go to the top of the Empire State Building and make out.
[06:36.71]Of course I wanna sign you!
[06:39.54]-Miss Leonard,I'm so -Oh,boy.
[06:42.18]-Ride them,cowboy. -l' m sorry!
[06:55.13]I don't see it!
[06:59.83]-T ry to look through it. -Unfocus your eyes. -
[07:03.20]Focus? There's nothing to focus on.
[07:06.44]-It's the Statue of Liberty! -Right! -
[07:10.11]-Where's the Statue of Liberty? -There.
[07:13.18]I can't not see it now.
[07:18.18]Come here. Do you see anything here?
[07:20.75]-lt looks like a boat. -A boat. -
[07:24.36]Right in front of the Statue of Liberty.
[07:29.09]It's been seven seconds,and you haven't asked me how my date went.
[07:33.83]How was your date,Chandler?
[07:36.30]It was unbelievable!
[07:37.80]I've never met anyone like her. She's had an amazing life!
[07:41.64]She was in the Israeli army.
[07:43.67]None of the bullets hit the engine, so we made it to the border.
[07:48.41]But just barely,and l....
[07:51.18]I've been talking about myself all night long. I'm sorry.
[07:55.45]What about you? T ell me a story.
[07:58.42]All right,once...
[08:00.83]... I got on the subway.
[08:02.83]And it was at night...
[08:04.83]...and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn. ...
[08:08.17]Just for the hell of it.
[08:14.64]More or less.
[08:15.94]Suddenly,we realized we were in Yemen.
[08:18.74]I' m sorry,so "we" is...?
[08:21.11]"We" is me and Rick.
[08:22.65]Who's Rick?
[08:23.85]Who's Rick?
[08:26.35]My husband.
[08:30.09]-Oh,so you' re divorced? -No. -
[08:33.42]I' m sorry. So you' re widowed? Hopefully?
[08:37.76]No,l' m still married.
[08:40.90]So,how would your husband feel about you sitting here with me...
[08:45.74]...sliding your foot so far up my leg you can count the change in my pocket? ...
[08:52.18]Don't worry.
[08:53.78]He'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan.
[08:58.35]Ethan? There's an Ethan?
[09:01.89]Ethan is my boyfriend.
[09:05.52]What? 什么?
[09:08.76]What kind of relationship do you imagine us having...
[09:12.33]...if you have a husband and a boyfriend?
[09:15.50]I suppose,mainly sexual.
[09:21.57]Sorry it didn't work out.
[09:23.44]What,not work out? I'm seeing her again on Thursday.
[09:26.91]Didn't you listen to the story?
[09:30.82]Didn't you listen? It's twisted!
[09:33.45]How could you get involved with her?
[09:35.89]I had trouble with it at first. But I get the good stuff.
[09:40.00]All the fun,all the talking, all the sex...
[09:43.16]...and none of the responsibility.
[09:46.43]-This is every guy's fantasy! -That's not true! -
[09:49.80]-Ross,is this your fantasy? -No,of course not. -
[09:55.27]Yeah. Yeah,it is.
[09:57.94]You'd go out with someone going out with someone else?
[10:04.25]When l' m with a woman, I need to know...
[10:10.39]Once,I went out with a guy who just got divorced.
[10:14.03]It was hard. His kids liked me better than him.
[10:17.60]What does this have to do with Chandler?
[10:21.13]Nothing.
[10:23.27]I didn't have anything on that topic.
[10:26.14]So I went another way.
[10:29.24]You know,monogamy can be a tricky concept.
[10:33.38]I mean,anthropologically speaking
[10:37.68]Fine. Now you'll never know.
[10:40.02]We' re kidding. T ell us.
[10:41.89]-We wanna know. -Come on! -
[10:43.65]All right. There's a theory put forth by Richard Leakey
[10:58.60]Are we greeting each other this way now? I like it.
[11:03.44]Look! I cleaned!
[11:05.31]I did the windows. I did the floors.
[11:07.81]I used all the vacuum attachments but the round one. What's it for?
[11:16.39]What do you think?
[11:17.76]-It's very clean. -Really,it looks great! -
[11:25.06]I see you moved the green ottoman.
[11:31.47]How did that happen?
[11:34.44]I don't know. It looked better there.
[11:37.81]And it's an extra seat around the table.
[11:41.11]Yeah,it's interesting.
[11:44.55]But you know what? Just for fun...
[11:47.15]...Iet's see what it looked like in the old spot. ...
[11:51.46]Just to compare.
[11:53.32]Let's see.
[11:55.06]Well,it looks good there too.
[11:57.36]Let's leave it there for a while.
[12:00.50]I can't believe you moved the green ottoman.
[12:04.47]Be glad you didn't fan the magazines. She'll scratch your eyes out.
[12:09.11]-You guys,I am not that bad! -Yeah,you are. -
[12:13.74]Remember,I lived with you? You were a little....
[12:21.42]That is so unfair!
[12:22.92]When we were kids,yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.
[12:29.43]Okay,so I'm responsible. I'm organized.
[12:32.30]But hey,I can be a kook!
[12:36.53]All right,you madcap gal!
[12:40.37]Imagine this.
[12:41.74]The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
[12:45.88]-Why not? -Because you're a kook! -
[12:50.51]You wait until they send a notice.
[12:54.05]I could do that.
[12:55.62]Okay,then you let me go grocery shopping
[12:59.86]-No problem. -I'm not done yet. -
[13:03.66]And I buy detergent,but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
[13:08.77]Why would someone do that?
[13:12.54]One might wonder.
[13:15.81]But I would be fine with that.
[13:19.28]A glass is on the table with no coaster. A cold drink. A hot day.
[13:24.65]Beads of condensation are inching closer to the wood....
[13:29.19]Stop it!
[13:34.02]Oh,my God!
[13:35.73]It's true. Who am l?
[13:38.20]Monica,you' re Mom.
[13:48.57]Oh,my God!
[13:52.31]Okay,I'll be there.
[13:56.38]That was my agent.
[13:59.92]My agent has just gotten me a job in the new Al Pacino movie!
[14:06.09]-That's great! -What's the part?
[14:09.06]Can you believe it? Pacino! This guy's why I became an actor!
[14:13.40]" Out of order? You' re out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order! " "
[14:19.77]Seriously,what's the part?
[14:21.74]"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! "
[14:25.71]Come on. Seriously,Joey, what's the part?
[14:30.71]You' re.... What?
[14:34.89]I' m his butt double,okay?
[14:41.69]I play Al Pacino's butt.
[14:46.50]All right? He goes into the shower, and then...
[14:50.03]... I' m his butt. ...
[14:52.40]Oh,my God!
[14:53.87]Come on,you guys.
[14:55.31]It's a real Pacino movie and that's big!
[14:58.84]It's terrific. You deserve this.
[15:01.65]After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business.
[15:09.25]Fine. Make jokes,I don't care.
[15:11.79]-This is a big break for me! -You' re right. It is. -
[15:16.43]So,will you invite us to the big opening?
[15:29.27]-I need some moisturizer. -For what? -
[15:32.41]T oday's the big day!
[15:37.11]You got any tweezers? I think I have a rogue hair.
[15:41.00]God. Go in the bathroom. Use whatever you want.
[15:44.12]Don't ever tell me what you did in there.
[15:47.16]Thank you.
[15:50.63]-Joey's mom's on the phone. -ln the bathroom. -
[15:53.63]-You don't wanna go in there! -Come on,we' re roommates. -
[15:58.50]My eyes! My eyes!
[16:03.57]I warned you.
[16:05.41]Who is being loud?
[16:07.31]Oh,that would be Monica.
[16:09.85]Can I borrow stuff? I wanna make Aurora breakfast.
[16:13.18]You got the whole night?
[16:15.19]Well,I only have 20 minutes until Ethan,so....
[16:18.39]Do I sense resentment?
[16:20.56]No. No resentment. Believe me...
[16:23.89]...it's worth it,okay? ……
[16:26.23]In a relationship,you have moments you'll remember the rest of your life.
[16:31.27]Every single second is like that with Aurora.
[16:34.71]I've just wasted 35 of them talking to you.
[16:37.57]So,Monica,can you help me with the door?
[16:42.01]The old Monica would remind you...
[16:44.82]...to scrub that T eflon pan with a plastic brush. ……
[16:49.82]But l' m not gonna do that.
[16:58.43]Excuse me? Can they warm it up? I' m concerned about goose bumps.
[17:03.50]Everybody ready?
[17:06.14]I wanna thank you for this opportunity.
[17:09.27]I mean,I know this is just a first step,but I hope that someday
[17:14.71]Lose the robe.
[17:16.15]Right. Okay. Losing the robe!
[17:20.55]Okay,and the robe is lost.
[17:23.29]I would like to get this in one take.
[17:26.29]Let's roll it.
[17:27.83]Water's working.
[17:30.09]And action!
[17:33.90]And cut!
[17:36.13]Butt guy,what are you doing?
[17:39.07]I'm showering.
[17:40.80]No,that was clenching.
[17:43.14]The way I see it, the guy's upset here,you know?
[17:47.04]His wife's dead, his brother's missing.
[17:49.65]I think his butt would be angry here.
[17:53.08]I think his butt would like to get the shot before lunch.
[18:00.82]And action!
[18:04.09]And cut! What was that?
[18:07.83]I was going for quiet desperation.
[18:11.74]But if you have to ask....
[18:21.11]God,I love these fingers.
[18:23.21]Thank you.
[18:24.62]No,actually,I meant my fingers.
[18:28.29]Look at them. Look at how happy they are.
[18:32.66]-Oh,my God,l' m late! -Oh,no!
[18:35.93]-Don't go. -Okay. -
[18:39.80]-I have to. -Look,she's leaving. -
[18:42.57]I' m sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
[18:45.27]-I thought you talked to Rick. -It's not Rick. -
[18:49.24]Ethan? He gets the whole day!
[18:51.81]No,it's Andrew.
[18:58.85]I know there'll be moments..
[19:00.92]...when I'll regret asking the following question,but.... ……
[19:05.26]-And Andrew is? -He's...
[19:08.06]... new. ……
[19:10.26]So you' re not completely fulfilled by Rick,Ethan and myself?
[19:14.93]No,that's not exactly what I was
[19:17.60]Most women would kill...
[19:19.54]...for three guys like us. ……
[19:23.04]-So,what do you want? -You.
[19:26.44]-You have me. -No. Just you. -
[19:29.65]-What do you mean? -Lose the other guys. -
[19:33.65]Like,all of them?
[19:37.25]Come on,we' re great together. Why not?
[19:40.39]Can't we have what we have now?
[19:42.66]Why can't we talk and make love...
[19:45.30]...without feeling obligated to each other? ……
[19:48.47]Up until tonight,I thought that's what you wanted too.
[19:53.07]Well,part of me wants that...
[20:04.05]The guy who wells up when the Grinch's heart grows...
[20:07.65]...and breaks that measuring device. ……
[20:10.45]He's saying,you know, "This is too hard. Get out! "
[20:15.56]So,which one of the guys will you listen to?
[20:19.46]I have to listen to both. They don't let each other finish.
[20:24.94]Which one?
[20:29.84]The second guy.
[20:32.54]I see.
[20:38.45]Call me if you change your mind.
[20:49.36]Sorry,the first guy runs the lips.
[21:05.68]Look at it this way. You dumped her!
[21:09.75]Right? I mean,this woman was unbelievably sexy...
[21:14.28]...and beautiful,intelligent, unattainable. ……
[21:19.56]T ell me why you did this again?
[21:24.26]Movie star!
[21:25.90]Wait! Aren't you the guy who plays the butt in the new Pacino movie?
[21:31.60]Nope.
[21:35.87]Big guy?
[21:39.18]It felt like a "big guy" moment.
[21:42.68]I got fired!
[21:44.88]They said I acted too much with it.
[21:49.35]I told everybody about this!
[21:51.69]-Everybody's expecting to see me. -lKnow what? -
[21:54.69]-No one will be able to tell. -My mom will. -
[22:00.33]There's something so sweet and disturbing about that.
[22:05.67]I've done crappy plays for six years...
[22:08.84]...and I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
[22:12.48]Maybe this wasn't it.
[22:14.44]I think when it's your shot, you know it's your shot.
[22:19.52]Did it feel like your shot?
[22:23.35]Hard to tell. I was naked.
[22:26.29]I don't think this was it. I don't think you just get one.
[22:30.56]I believe things are gonna happen for you. I do.
[22:34.16]You've got to think about the day some kid will go:
[22:38.27]"l got the part! I'm gonna be Joey T ribbiani's ass! "
[22:45.28]You think? That's so nice.
[22:53.92]I' m sorry,Joey. I' m gonna go to bed,guys.
[22:57.09]-Good night. -Good night.
[22:59.56]You' re gonna leave your shoes out here?
[23:05.90]Really? Just casually strewn about...
[23:09.00]...in that reckless,haphazard manner? ...
[23:13.20]It doesn't matter. I'll get them tomorrow. Or not!
[23:18.68]Whenever.
[23:22.85]She is a kook.
[23:37.89]If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes.
[23:43.47]No,don 't do this!
[23:46.27]This is stupid!
[23:47.94]I don 't have to prove anything. I'm gonna get them.
[23:51.88]But then everyone will know.
[23:55.18]Unless I get them,then wake up really early and put them back.
[23:59.82]I need help!
[24:05.56]-All you want is a dinkle -Not that song!
[24:09.83]-All you envy's a schwang -Come on,you guys.
[24:14.03]A thing through which you can tinkle
[24:22.01]All you want is a dinkle
[24:26.01]What you envy's a schwang
[24:29.55]A thing through which you can tinkle
[24:33.28]Or play with or simply let hang