I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Todd
And ain't keeping old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew better dead than red
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse
Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant
I got a dislocated disc and a racked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse
Oh think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant
I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies
But I thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there
And that someone isn't me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell
Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
Well, I'll be the first to go
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse
Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant