[00:00.00] 作曲 : Bo Burnham
[00:00.00] 作词 : Bo Burnham
[00:00.00]Okay, we're moving way along here
[00:05.26](Hello, patient 24602)
[00:07.56]I'm sorry- Hello, how are-
[00:08.92](How are you feeling?)
[00:10.09]Um, not great
[00:11.32](Has the treatment been working?)
[00:13.20]Uh, I don't think so, no
[00:14.77](What are your remaining symptoms?)
[00:16.07]I just, I... I internalize my feelings a lot, I have trouble articulating how I'm feeling to other people, I feel like I jus-
[00:21.38](So basically, you're still a little shit)
[00:23.57]Yes, very mature of you, disembodied voice, way up there
[00:26.58](I was just joking, nigga)
[00:28.72]Alright you're not as safe in Wisconsin as you might think with that shit
[00:31.36](I'm not human I can say whatever I want)
[00:33.05]Alright just, just what, get to the point! What's wrong with me? Please. Please!
[00:37.29](Your emotions and your logic are at war)
[00:39.95]Okay
[00:40.34](Your creativity and your analysis are at war)
[00:45.88](And most simply, your left and right brain are at war)
[00:48.26]My left and my-
[00:48.47](To fix the problem, we must separate them from each other)
[00:52.44](Splitting your neurological functions in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...)
[00:56.36]Well, we book an appointment or something? You don't just start counting down to major medical procedures
[01:01.11](This may hurt a bit)
[01:02.02]I don't even know what "it" is!
[01:02.94]Just tell me what you're-!
[01:13.78](Isolation complete)
[01:17.85](This is Bo's left brain: objective, logical, cold, analytical)
[01:23.29](Aware of patterns, aware of trends. He's efficient... and a shit)
[01:30.29](This is Bo's right brain: subjective, creative, sensory)
[01:35.07](Aware of feelings, aware of people. He's emotional... and an idiot)
[01:41.55]That's your opinion, just careful with opinions
[01:43.43](Okay boys... Play nice)
[01:47.50]I am the left brain, I am the left brain
[01:49.91]I work really hard 'til my inevitable death brain
[01:53.15]You got a job to do, you better do it right, and the right way is with the left brain's might
[01:59.47]I like Oreo's and shit, yes! In that order
[02:04.09]And I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3, WOODY!
[02:09.42]I am the right brain, I have feelings, I'm a little all over the place but I'm lustful, trustful and I'm looking for somebody to love, or put my d**k in
[02:21.31]Here comes a female, here comes a female
[02:23.89]Puff your chest out take your phone and check your email
[02:27.05]Our evolutionary purpose is to repopulate
[02:29.93]So gather data now and see if she's a possible mate
[02:33.09]Holy shit I think she might be the one, there's something about her, I just can't describe it
[02:43.30]****
[02:44.40]I am the earth, she's the glorious sun!
[02:48.73]I want her to trust me and I just want her to, how do I say this, sit on my face? Sit, sit on my face!
[02:55.34]Alright now right brain you're being insane
[02:58.09]No left brain, I'm just being alive
[03:01.72]You should try it, you might like it
[03:06.76]I worked hard to give him everything he cared about
[03:09.50]You were worried 'bout the things that he was scared about
[03:12.19]I'm calm and collected when you act wild
[03:15.40]I am the adult you are the child
[03:18.41]You think you're the right one every time
[03:22.48]You think you know everything but you don't know anything at all
[03:29.62]Half of his problems were supposed to be mine
[03:33.72]But you wanted everything I hope that you're happy 'cause he's sure not
[03:41.66]Well according to my calculations, I'm sorry let me run the numbers again, um, you're a b***h
[03:46.36]Name calling? Really? You're gonna just do name calling?
[03:48.29]I'm not calling names alright, I'm just stating facts, and the fact is you're a quivering b***h
[03:51.53]I'm the b***h? Well at least I don't play with toys still, oka
[03:54.46]Rubix cubes are not toys, they keep my spatial reasoning skills sharp
[03:57.78]Left brain plays with toys! Look at you, mister... You're a toy player
[04:02.82]Well at least I did my ****ing job, alright? I kept him working, I kept him productive
[04:07.31]You were supposed to look after him
[04:08.85]You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this
[04:11.78]Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling!
[04:14.34]If he's feeling unhappy it's because you failed him
[04:16.79]You did this to him, he hates you I know he does. He ****ing hates you
[04:30.19]Right brain, look, I'm sorry, okay?
[04:34.29]No you're not...
[04:45.29]Look, maybe there's something that we could do together
[04:52.35]Together?
[04:54.41]Take the best parts of both of us, put them together
[05:01.91]I'm listening
[05:04.20]It would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze
[05:09.14]So you could man the themes, I'll man the form
[05:14.03]It's something that George Carlin did, it's something that Steve Martin did
[05:19.54]It's something special that we can both perform, do you know what it is?
[05:25.02]Juggling! We could juggle, and juggle our cares away!
[05:34.06]It was comedy, we could do comedy together...
[05:36.99](Initiate reassembly)
[05:38.14]Alright right brain, look we're gonna do comedy together, alright? We gotta do comedy!
[05:40.96]Alright, alright left brain I'll do comedy with you
[05:42.68]Look we can fix him like this, we're gonna make him happy again I promise, alright?
[05:46.68]Left brain...! Left brain I love you!
[05:52.14]I know
[05:54.41](Experimentation complete)
[05:56.24]Thank you very much
[06:07.06]Thank you guys for coming. It's so nice!
[06:08.00]I wanted to record the CD and massing because this always been one of my favourite plays to play.
[06:10.84]I played here last year enough.
[06:11.99]Some people came to that one.
[06:13.66]That's very nice.
[06:14.03]Thanks for coming again, I appreciate it.
[06:16.51]Um, there's gonna be you know this little silences in the show as I'm moving between pieces.
[06:19.65]Don't feel you have to fill that silence with laughter or applause.
[06:22.00]I don't want you leaving the show saying you know
[06:24.43]My hands hurt from clapping.
[06:25.47]My stomach hurts from laughing.
[06:26.60]l just want you leaving the show thinking
[06:28.40]Oh well
[06:32.16]And we're on our way