[00:00.000] 作曲 : Bo Burnham
[00:00.261] 作词 : Bo Burnham
[00:00.523]Thank you for all being here on a Friday
[00:01.785]I know there's lots of places you can be on a Friday
[00:03.506]So I appreciate you taking the time to be with me
[00:05.535]It does truly mean a lot
[00:07.052]I would like to, um, do a love poem right now
[00:09.503]Since it's sort of early in the show
[00:11.792]Um, I warn you, it is sappy and romantic, so um
[00:15.743]I'll get it out of the way now
[00:17.070]And then I'll go back to the, er, the dirty stuff
[00:19.102]That everyone loves, or whatever
[00:21.215]Um, okay, it's called 'I F--k Sl--ts'
[00:27.533]Sl--ts
[00:29.089]Sl--ts (it's not a rollcall but thank you)
[00:31.917]Sl--ts, I f--k sl--ts
[00:35.221]Sl--ts get f--ked when I f--k sl--ts
[00:36.880]No if ands and or buts
[00:38.238]I f--k sl--ts
[00:39.020]I f--k sl--ts
[00:40.172]Nice girls are nice
[00:40.977]But no good for nut sucking
[00:42.100]Don't need need a serene night to green light a butt f--king
[00:44.350]But that will be easy with sleazy old sl--t f--king
[00:46.593]Boo to the nice girls
[00:47.649]Praise be to sl--t f--king
[00:49.050]I have a list
[00:50.166]A list?
[00:51.038]Yes, a list of all the sl--ts I've missed
[00:52.906]I've never f--ked or sucked these sl--ts
[00:54.806]And thus my balls are f--king pissed
[00:56.195]So when I f--k the lucky sl--t, my nut removes her from the list
[00:59.577]Another dumb cum bucket struck
[01:01.470]From my nut sucking suck it sl--t, sl--t f--king bucket list
[01:05.137]So, yes you hear the influences, Chaucer
[01:09.500]The pages are blank, I know it, why am I lying to you?
[01:15.388]Sl--ts can be white, black, brown, pink or almond
[01:17.656]They can be skinny with big tits
[01:18.726]Or be skinny with small ones
[01:20.196]Sl--ts can be perky preppy or posh
[01:22.182]With their brains and their clothes all shrunk from the wash
[01:28.971]City people are confused
[01:32.523]But other sl--ts are pretty and funny and smart
[01:36.213]These sl--ts can lift all your thoughts from your d--k to your heart
[01:39.041]They can talk about science, music, or art
[01:40.975]They can put you together
[01:41.837]Or they could pull you apart
[01:43.017]But don't trust these sl--ts
[01:44.229]Don't, don't you dare
[01:45.706]They'll force you
[01:46.185]Trust them and love them and care
[01:47.878]And then they'll be gone
[01:48.726]And then youll be aware of that hole in your heart
[01:50.748]That that dumb sl--t left there
[01:52.425]Thank you very much
[01:53.703]So, you see? He was lashing out with sexist language
[01:57.167]'Cause he had his heart broken
[01:58.343]We all learn something
[02:00.714]Um, I know that that bit in particular is a little bit dense
[02:03.573]A little bit hard to follow
[02:04.659]And I wanna be able to do something that's easier to follow
[02:06.972]And you could probably get on the first listen
[02:08.291]So I wanna do a slower joke for you, erm
[02:10.143]Here's a slow joke...
[02:17.607]What did the ear of corn say
[02:21.935]When all of it's clothes fell off
[02:26.926]"Aw shucks!" Get it?
[02:35.086]Like, shucks as in shucking corn
[02:40.004]And also shucks the exclamation
[02:45.742]Am I right?
[02:51.543]Something for everybody, um
[02:55.743]My father recently told me that I act too gay on stage
[02:58.564]I said, "Really Dad? Prove it"
[03:06.954]For those listening, I threw confetti, flamboyantly
[03:15.788]So we're having fun
[03:18.197]Thank you for all being here