She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear.
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.
And underneath her wimpole
She has curlers in her hair!
I ever hear her singing in the abbey.

She's always late for chapel,
But her penitence is real.
She's always late for everything,
Except for every meal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

I'd like to say a word in her behalf.

Maria makes me laugh!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibberti gibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand.

But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say,
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather,
She's a darling,
She's a demon,
She's a lamb.
She'd out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,
She can throw a whirling dervish
Out of whirl.

She is gentle,
She is wild,
She's a riddle.
She's a child.
She's a headache!
She's an angel!
She's a girl.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a clown and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibberti gibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand.

But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?