A tag monkey is the guy that you see in places
That sell women's clothing and he looks so helpless
His expression is the one of the faceless
Character in Ghibli, solo like no siblings
Why the long mug, staring at his mobile
Might as well have a bumper sticker on the forehead that read
Rather be living than living the dead
His spirit is so low like he drank some lead
Then his girlfriend comes out of the dressing room, hi
He has to run up and smile and give a comment or two
You don't look fat, maybe it's just small on you
I'll go get another size, you can wait here boo
Who is this guy you can't look him in the eye
'Cause tag monkeys don't mix, Catcher in the Rye
Divide, keep 'em separated or they go wild
Walking down the mall, you can identify a
Tag monkey, tag monkey, a tag monkey, tag monkey
Forever 21, Top Shop, H&M, and Zara, the main culprits of a tag monkey saga
The usual suspects Victoria's Secrets,
other cosmetic stores, Sephora and Kiel's
Pop music overload, every hit a house mix,
you swear you could smack the DJ with a sound FX
****** stores like urban outfitters get a metro pass,
never mind the overpriced stuff
Bed Bath and Beyond, well that's a borderline
If you're shopping for sheets, then you're knocking the boots
Otherwise you couldn't care less hanging at a Goodwill or flea market
Salvation Army rack, probably get the red tag polyester,
 Expendables, Sylvester Sly investor
If you get your girl to leave home to come to Home Depot
Bet you can't get her to dance the aisles to to beat though, she's not your
Tag monkey,a tag monkey,
You're a tag monkey,a tag monkey
We've all been there, once innocent and pure,
thinking a date picking clothes would be
Fun to endure and wouldn't bruise the ego,
 then one day you catch yourself dreaming about
Heinekens while staring at the mannequins
Your inner man panicking that's why you're mad at them
Old Spice, dos equis macho men wouldn't be caught
Carrying a handful of random things
Staring at the ceiling fan like you just hit the snooze button, damn
Swallow a yawn, the game is on
Queen to pawn an episode of Breaking Dawn
She can't choose now it's the shoes
A freaking zoo win or lose paying dues
Salute the...
Tag monkey, tag monkey, a tag monkey, tag monkey