I’m an old timer I’m an excellent rhymer
I’ll send you a song of the sights I have seen
‘Tis late in December but well I remember
The springtime of youth when the world was so green

I was born a hundred thousand years ago
There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know.
There’s no place that I ain’t been
Round the world and back again,
And I’ll whup the man that says it isn’t so
In the dawn of civilization I recall,
My cave had bearskin carpets, wall to wall.
We were quite the social group,
I was friends with Alley Oop,
And a charming fellow named Neanderthal.
I knew Adam and Eve before they knew the score:
It was I designed the fig leaves that they wore.
From behind the bushes kneelin’
Saw the apple they was peelin’,
And I swear that I’m the guy that ate the core.
I was born a hundred thousand years ago
There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know.
There’s no place that I ain’t been
Round the world and back again,
And I’ll whup the man that says it isn’t so
Took a trip with Cleopatra down the Nile.
Yes, we dated off and on for quite awhile.
And for King Tut and his kiddies,
I built all the pyramiddies,
And I represented Caesar at his trial.
Mr. Nero was a personal friend of mine.
The way he played the fiddle was divine.
I went by invitation
To a Roman celebration,
And. ended up with ashes in my wine.
I was born a hundred thousand years ago
There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know.
There’s no place that I ain’t been
Round the world and back again,
And I’ll whup the man that says it isn’t so
I’ll tell you how America came to be:
I went sailing with Columbus ‘cross the sea.
He got sick the day we landed,
And he went home empty-handed.
By rights, the whole darn place belongs to me.
I know much more than any book can tell,
And you must admit, I sing it rather well.
But the last part is the best,
If you’d like to hear the rest,
You can sing it for yourself or go to hell.
I was born a hundred thousand years ago
There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know.
There’s no place that I ain’t been
Round the world and back again,
And I’ll whup the man that says it isn’t so