==【Hank】==
Find out what your niche is
Because that leads to riches
==【Hank】==
Beer from a can always tastes two degrees cooler than beer from a bottle
Even if they're the same temperature
I'm don't know why
I'm not a physicist
But I am a beer drinker
==【Hank】==
Never drink anything with an umbrella
A fruit wedge
Or a plastic monkey in it
==【Peggy】==
Remember
Butter first
Milk second
Then add the cheese powder
==【Dale】==
Inhale deeply and often
You're payin' for the nicotine
You might as well get the most out of it
==【Hank】==
Don't be the type of person who sits around talking about his own genitalia
==【Boomhauer】==
I tell you what you do man you take one of these little ol' dollar bills man
Ol' George Washington on there get one of those cartoon balloons man
==【Leanne】==
Enjoy your body
Use it everywhere you can
Feel good about your body
Show it to everyone
==【Peggy】==
Your feet are not as big as you think they are
==【Bobby】==
Enjoy your body
Almost any part can make a fart noise
In between your toes
Behind your knee
Inside the elbow
Even behind your ear
From your chin to your neck
And of course
You have your armpit
==【Hank】==
Always read the directions
Enjoy your spatula
Use it everywhere you can
If it rusts
Don't be afraid of what people think of it
It is the greatest instrument you will ever own
==【Bobby】==
Write your locker combination where you'll remember it
But not inside your locker
==【Cotton】==
Love your shins
Them's the only ones you got and you'll miss 'em when they're gone
Dance! I said dance, monkey!
Dance! I said dance, monkey!
==【Dale】==
Do one thing every day that scares somebody.
==【Cotton】==
Dance! I said dance, monkey!
==【Hank】==
Go to the bathroom every chance you can
Don't trust a man who spends more than $10 on a haircut
Buy American
Even if it doesn't work as well
==【Bill】==
Be kind to your wife
You may never know when she just might leave ya for no reason
==【Peggy】==
Do not read beauty magazines
They will only make you feel sorry for those skinny, little drugged out models
==【Hank】==
Mow against the grain
==【Hank】==
My lawn is my flag
It tells the world
Here lives a competent
Trustworthy salesman of propane and propane accessories
==【Bill】==
Dance
Even if you have no where to do it but alone in your living room
Alone
With a mop
==【Hank】==
Never throw out an old comb
A comb is one tool that last a lifetime
==【Dale】==
Set aside time every day to check to see if your fly is up
==【Hank】==
Don't go to therapy
It'll only screw you up more
==【Hank】==
Don't waste money on fancy soap
==【Hank】==
Never, ever trust a man who is wearing a beret
==【Hank】==
If there's a better friend than a roll of duct tape I'd like to meet him
==【Boomhauer】==
I tell you one thing man in any kind of relationship is dang ol' communication
It's the most important thing in any kind of relationship
I tell you what man what we have here is a failure to communicate