A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion
A fine romance, with no quarrels
With no insults, and all morals
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
I never get the chance, this is a fine romance
A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend this is
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has
A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
I haven't got a chance, my heart's not made of plastic
You're the reason I'm sarcastic 'cause this is a fine, fine romance