Well we're living here in Allentown
And he's driven our lives into the ground
When we woke up we were wasted and drunk
Phil got shot, we got beaten by a monk
I was happy and my life was good
Gettin' married like a dentist should
Roasting marshmallows on a stick
I got fucked in the ass by a girl with a dick
ALLEN: Haha, I remember that.
And we're living here in Allentown
But they're taken Teddy's finger now
And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit 
And shoot Allen in the face
And shoot myself
ALLEN: He totally butchered that song.
STU: Totally butchered my life.