You know what troubles me?
They say that nobody ever changes
Despite their impressions otherwise
And despite my efforts, I'm daunted by the same faults as always.
While I'm tired of their jabs, they seem ever renewed by some hidden source of sustenance.
They say that living 25 years is just the amount of time it takes
To harden in your mold, in flexible
But I'm past that line already
I shuffle down the downhill side past broken trees and decomposition
The bittersweet medley that blends death with hope of the ultimate oblivion
Thirsty for a time when I would sit down, my work complete
Surrounded by a field of fallen enemies in defeat
Orbited by planetary jewels of my own design
Made happy forever by their luminance
But to break out of the present was impossible.
The future doesn't exist yet; the past doesn't exist anymore.
They've never existed: only this,
the perpetual present where we're all stuck.
But it felt like the coming day would just be a replica of one before
With pain and boredom, and just brief bursts of pleasure
And so miserable and feeling the futility of my existence,
I lifted up my voice, and to my future being I sang this lament:
Swear that I will crawl out the crater
To smell the land that's left when the smoke clears
Swear that when I slide down the side
My troubles won't be close at my heels
I can't promise you will be free from the ghosts
Of fear, of pain, of doubting, but
You will know the faces they show you
And recognize they're only a vapor
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
Burned up, beaten down, bleak and weary
Weakness is a wall that you have got around
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
You may regret the route, but here you are anyway
My future self cheered me with these words
And it was as if, though nothing had changed in my external world,
I saw my future existence and my present unified in a strange eternal present
As I continued to slide down the slope of the crater's outer wall,
I thought, with great clarity, about the misery that had marked my life
while I was struggling, inch by inch, to the crest of that vast volcanic mouth
And I saw the singed bark of the stately trees,
and I looked down and saw the darkened flesh of my own singed arms
It was then that I realized that I had demonstrated,
in my own fragile way,
the strength of the tree