All rise and come to order
Bailiff start the video recorder
You've been sworn, what's yourcomplaint?
Speak up son, don't hesitate!
He presided in his courtroom so long ago
He was hanging cowboys for stealingbuffalo
Court is adjourned, for his honor'sfeeling ill
The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill!
Hang up your rope 'cause you'relooking tired
If it was up to me they'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't 
TV jailIt's 
TV hell!Chorus
Believe it or not
Those walking blood clots
Make enough money for a thousandfoot yacht
Who in Hollywood
Did they every acquit?
Just senile, judicial idiots
As the drama unfolds
And the law he upholds
If you look real close
You could see him growing mold
Small claims messiah
Is only a pariah to be ridiculed...
Objection 
Overruled!
All rise as he takes the bench
To hear his old voice make mygut wrench
Silence to those who are in his court
I'm found guilty by his report
No washed-up judge can say to me
The shit he throws arround whenhe's on 
TVWhat can he fucking do, throw me in jail?
I'd slap out his dentures, post themfor bail!
Hang up your robe 'cause you'relooking tired
If it was up to me they'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't 
TV jail, it's 
TV hell!Chorus
You lose the case
To a bigger bullshit they you today
When it comes to the end
You tell all of 
TV land what you'vegot to say
When you're dead and gone
Will they get another fossil to carry on?
They must go to school
To hand-pick these old fools
I say to you
Objection 
Overruled!
It's all Perry 
Mason's fault!
Cat strangling