[00:00.00]Personal Column - Jake Thackray
[00:09.45]Right behind the headlines of the papers
[00:11.95]There's a space entitled Personal
[00:17.69]And since I'm young and sensitive
[00:19.88]It's always there I turn to first of all
[00:26.35]For in between the vibro-massage  sauna baths
[00:29.76]The rubber goods  the corsetry
[00:35.31]Someone sends a message
[00:36.66]That is classified as advertising Agony
[00:43.86]Agony will always find a way
[00:46.94]You read there every day
[00:48.36]True-life love stories  taken short
[00:55.68]Agony at seven-and-a-kick a time
[00:58.69]A stifled sob a line
[01:00.23]A list of breaking hearts and surgical supports
[01:07.33]"Molly  will you please come home
[01:09.42]I miss you  Will you please forgive me
[01:15.81]I love you very much
[01:17.49]And I am sorry for what I did  Love  Sidney "
[01:24.33]"Artistic photographs  plain paper covers
[01:27.17]Fifty-nine-and-sixpence  postage free "
[01:32.63]"Unsightly hair on arms and legs
[01:35.06]And faces is removed quite painlessly "
[01:41.59]Who knows if wayward Molly will return
[01:44.66]Does Sidney really yearn
[01:46.29]And if he does  does Molly care
[01:53.26]What quarrel set them at each other's throats
[01:56.38]Did Sidney send for postcards through the post
[01:59.07]Or did Molly grow superfluous hair everywhere
[02:04.94]"Widow  46 would like sophisticated gentleman to contact her
[02:13.49]Similar interests and with a view to friendliness
[02:17.64]Motor car preferred "
[02:21.99]"Mrs Ivy Armitage thanks all her friends for kindnesses
[02:25.79]When times were hard "
[02:30.07]And "The Honorable Dicky Cholmondley
[02:32.15]Is not sending anybody any Christmas cards "
[02:38.74]"Dynamic methods Strengthen and Refine
[02:41.84]The Power of your Mind"
[02:43.29]In case your memories are none too good;
[02:50.20]And if you cannot manage on your own
[02:53.10]Take out a personal loan
[02:54.63]There's no security  it's understood
[03:01.47]"Seven days' free trial for an anti-nuclear shelter
[03:06.01]No obligations at all "
[03:09.42]And there's news of debutantes coming out with
[03:12.55]All the customary Belgrave balls
[03:18.15]Ten shillings reward: Box No  33
[03:20.95]Has gone and lost her budgerigar
[03:25.96]"Happy Birthday darling Sheila
[03:27.83]From your Mummy and your Daddy
[03:30.88]Wherever you are "
[03:34.81]Right behind the headlines of the papers
[03:37.48]There's a space entitled Personal
[03:42.71]And for those who get the agony
[03:45.28]That's the place to turn to first of all