Go home!
Go west!
Go back where you came from!
Oh, why did you ever leave Ohio’
Because I think I have talent
A million kids just like you
Come to town every day
With stars in their eyes.
They’re gonna conquer the city,
They’re gonna grab off the Pulitzer Prize,
But it’s a terrible pity,
Because they’re in for a bitter surprise.
And their stories all follow one line,
Like his,
Like his,
Like mine!
Born in duluth,
Natural writer,
Published at seven -- genius type --
Wrote the school play,
Wrote the school paper,
Summa cum laude -- all of that tripe --
Came to new york,
Got on the staff here,
This was my chance to be heard.
Well, since then I haven’t written a word.
What a waste,
What a waste,
What a waste of money and time!
Man from Detroit,
Wonderful artist,
Went to Picasso -- Pablo said ‘wow!’
Settled in France,
Bought him a beret,
Lived in Montmartre,
Really learned how.
Came to New York -- had an exhibit,
Art critics made a big fuss.
Now, he paints those toothpaste ads on the bus!
What a waste,
What a waste,
What a waste of money and time!
Girl from mobile,
Versatile actress,
Tragic or comic,
Any old play,
Suffered and starved,
Met Stanislavsky.
He said the world would
Cheer her some day.
Came to New York,
Repertoire ready,
Chekhov’s and Shakespeare’s and Wilde’s.
Now, they watch her flipping flapjacks at Childs’.
What a waste,
What a waste,
What a waste of money and time!
Kid from cape cod,
Fisherman’s family,
Marvelous singer -- big baritone --
Rented his boat,
Paid for his lessons,
Starved for his studies,
Down to the bone.
Came to New York,
Aimed at the opera,
Sing ‘Rigoletto’ His wish.
At the Fulton market now he yells ‘fish!’
What a waste,
What a waste, ah -- fish!
What a waste of money and time!
Go home! Go west!
Go back where you came from!
Go home!