[00:00.170]
[00:15.295]You pointed out the fence
[00:16.522]It was leaning towards the neighbor's house
[00:19.918]The waterlogged firewood from the last few winters
[00:23.549]Had become one with the fence
[00:26.919]The mold holding it all together, the weight of the wood
[00:29.819]The wind blowing in its direction
[00:32.300]The rain pouring down the hill was too much for the fence
[00:36.767]
[00:42.122]A few years earlier, I had an old tree chopped down
[00:45.022]That was leaning towards the house
[00:47.373]To protect the roof and for firewood
[00:49.698]And now I've got twenty yards of fence to rebuild
[00:56.829]I started bringing the heavy, wet logs into the back area
[01:00.304]Into whatever I referred to as the Dungeon Area, two or so at a time
[01:05.397]The doctor said I need more exercise
[01:07.827]I said, "What kind of exercise?"
[01:09.368]She said, "It doesn't matter, any kind"
[01:13.025]I figure I'd have to get some of it out of the way
[01:15.507]To help whoever I'd hire to repair the fence
[01:19.922]I was breakin' out with sweat
[01:21.855]When a neighbor appeared out of nowhere
[01:23.579]And said, "How's it goin', neighbor?"
[01:27.419]Why did he have to build a house on that empty lot
[01:30.475]With tall oaks and pines and sequoias there?
[01:33.845]
[01:41.603]Year after year, the grass would grow so tall and get so dry
[01:45.182]That the property was a borderline fire hazard
[01:48.082]I called a real estate agent and offered to buy that plot of land
[01:51.504]But the owner never accepted my offer
[01:54.377]I wanna maintain my privacy, the house was so enchanting
[01:58.400]Set back in all the trees
[01:59.889]I'd bought the house for the curb appeal and seclusion
[02:03.206]The signs on the street that said, "Deer Crossing"
[02:07.099]
[02:15.667]Then I went out there one day
[02:17.156]And the trees in the lot were chopped down
[02:21.048]Then I went out there another day and the foundation was built
[02:27.474]And now there's a house next door
[02:29.120]And a neighbor guy I never met
[02:31.497]Until just now when he said, "Hey, how are you doing?"
[02:35.311]I said, "I'm okay, thanks"
[02:36.878]And then turned my back on him and walked into the Dungeon
[02:41.528]I dropped the logs I was holding on the cement floor
[02:44.375]And closed the door behind me
[02:47.615]I came back into the house through the Dungeon
[02:49.652]From another door into the kitchen
[02:51.455]And said, "This is not how I wanted to spend my fxcking day"
[02:54.903]
[02:58.743]Drenched with sweat, I got an iced tea from the fridge
[03:01.198]And walked up to the highest point of my yard
[03:04.098]And sat in the sun next to my hot tub
[03:06.449]To remind myself why I bought the home in the first place
[03:11.099]I looked off at the pines off in the foothills and called my friend
[03:16.532]She told me about a strange Chinese restaurant
[03:20.137]In North Canton, Ohio
[03:23.220]A five-year-old girl was discovered in a freezer
[03:26.459]Murdered by her mother
[03:29.175]Her mom got 22 years
[03:31.291]The father of the child got a life sentence for influencing
[03:35.079]And manipulating the mother
[03:36.411]Into being the abusive mother she'd become
[03:39.729]My friend also said a dead body was discovered
[03:42.420]On 8th Street in Massillon, not far from my father's home
[03:46.286]
[03:52.372]She said the police got a tip
[03:54.018]Found the body buried six feet deep (Buried six feet deep)
[03:57.414]And they also discovered three neglected kids in that house
[04:01.384]All of them under three years old (Under three years old)
[04:05.120]Unaccompanied by adults and a neglected dog
[04:08.255]In the basement (In the basement)
[04:10.449]I came back in the house and did what I came here to do
[04:13.688]Dove into my 2017 expenses
[04:18.338]You were watchin' news upstairs (You were watchin' the news upstairs)
[04:20.219]A coyote was walking around
[04:21.864]With a jar on his head, suffocating (With a jar on his head)
[04:25.025]Someone had some footage of him
[04:26.802]Roamin' around (Roamin' around)
[04:27.899]The newscaster said (The newscaster said)
[04:30.354]"Keep a lookout for him"
[04:31.608]But they estimated he had 48 hours to live (48 hours to live)
[04:38.348]I can't take too much of the news anymore
[04:40.646]The political things are toxic enough
[04:44.643]Then there's news of dead children, coyotes suffocating
[04:47.595]And neglected dogs without food or water in basements
[04:52.584]So we switched channels
[04:54.491]
[04:59.533]There was a band on TV, I'd never seen them before
[05:02.328]To my recollection, there were 12 people on stage
[05:05.933]Pushing buttons in stationary positions
[05:09.538]The singer sounded like an even simpler Simple Minds
[05:12.699]If that's possible
[05:14.684]But I could pretty much watch anybody perform, to be honest
[05:18.916]
[05:23.513]One of my favorite performers is Jimmy Swaggart
[05:26.230]I could watch him sing gospels all day
[05:28.947]But anyhow, after Psalm 4, the silver staff band
[05:32.082]He said, "Please change this, I can't take it anymore
[05:34.433]This sounds like Tears for Fears"
[05:38.638]I thought about textin' a friend
[05:40.153]About how depressed I was by this band
[05:43.654]By I didn't feel like the back-and-forth
[05:45.665]That could potentially happen
[05:48.983]At 51, you gotta call your shots
[05:51.726]On how your prioritize your time and your back-and-forths
[05:56.454]Then I spent the day working, doing more things for my house
[06:02.410]The never-ending fix-up that my mom said I'll be working on
[06:06.406]Until the day that I die
[06:09.097]The Money Pit, is the chimney guy calling?
[06:13.094]The first guy to ever enter my home to do repair on my house
[06:18.109]Is always somethin', always
[06:20.904]
[06:26.495]At 10 P.M., you said you smelled a skunk ("I smell a skunk")
[06:29.055]And you were right, the odor got more intense
[06:32.242]I took a piss outside to see if I could smell the skunk and I didn't
[06:37.414]While I was takin' a piss, I looked up at the moon
[06:39.791]And my god it was beautiful (I looked up at the moon)
[06:41.384]And it smelled like pine (Smelled like pine)
[06:44.206]All my headaches went away
[06:46.034]For just that moment in time (Moment in time)
[06:50.423]I came back and I told you
[06:51.442]I couldn't smell the skunk outside ("I can't smell the skunk outside")
[06:54.106]But how powerful the smell was
[06:56.039]When I came back in through the dining room
[06:59.226]
[07:03.432]I walked up into the master bedroom
[07:05.574]And the smell was even worse up there
[07:07.820]You'd been on the internet, researching
[07:09.780]And decided it was not a skunk
[07:11.556]But a gas leak into the house that was going to explode
[07:14.691]
[07:17.486]You said, "Put your jacket on fast and take a few things
[07:21.038]And don't do anything to cause any sparks"
[07:24.095]I said, "I have nothing on me
[07:25.636]That would cause anything to make sparks"
[07:29.162]You said it again, you said, "Don't do anything to make sparks"
[07:32.506]I said, "I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't have matches
[07:35.301]Or anything at all to cause anything to make any fxcking sparks"
[07:38.880]You said, "Well, if you do anything to make any kind of friction
[07:42.250]It could cause sparks"
[07:44.235]And at that point, I kept my mouth shut
[07:46.873]
[07:54.240]I followed you along down the stairs
[07:57.035]I said, "Whatever you need from me, whatever you need
[08:00.091]Just let me know what you need"
[08:03.331]We took the battery powered lantern from the porch
[08:05.917]And I walked around the house and proved to you
[08:08.294]There are no gas lines comin' into my home
[08:10.932]I know this home like the back of my hand
[08:13.806]
[08:16.993]You finally calmed down
[08:18.952]And I was upset that we had missed Saturday Night Live
[08:22.713]We came back in, and you told me
[08:24.751]To look around that big, old, spooky house for the skunk
[08:28.539]It was 1:30 in the mornin'
[08:30.080]I said, "What the fxck am I gonna do if I find a skunk?
[08:33.110]I'm not a skunk catcher
[08:34.782]You want me to go down into the basement
[08:36.480]And see if there's a skunk down there, that's where you think he is?
[08:39.745]Sorry, but I wouldn't even know what to do if I cornered a skunk"
[08:43.298]
[09:09.682]I said to you, "Look, here's the deal, we're leavin' tomorrow
[09:14.645]And who knows how long it's gonna be until we're back here?
[09:19.765]The skunk was a welcome guest in my home
[09:23.553]This is my home and I got taxes to work on
[09:26.034]I don't wanna talk about the skunk anymore"
[09:29.979]You said, "Calm down, Mark"
[09:31.807]That you'd been researching more and that skunks were foragers
[09:35.830]And I said, "What does 'forager' mean?"
[09:37.815]You said, "That means they don't stay in one spot long"
[09:40.663]And I said, "Well, there you go
[09:41.708]He'll be gone within the next few days
[09:44.346]Problem solved, the skunk problem is resolved"
[09:48.134]
[09:57.486]We were exhausted
[09:58.217]We considered leaving but it was late out there
[10:01.848]We went to bed with the smell of skunk in the air
[10:06.681]I was up until three o'clock in the mornin'
[10:09.476]Reading A Confederacy of Dunces
[10:12.010]Tired of all the bickering we'd been through
[10:13.917]We tend to have this bickering way about us
[10:16.215]On these fast "Quick, let's go check on the house" visits
[10:21.492]I woke up at six o'clock in the morning
[10:23.321]My mind was racing, I couldn't fall back asleep
[10:26.560]So I woke you up, we walked into town
[10:28.415]I got a bagel, you got an iced coffee and I got an iced tea
[10:33.900]We came back and I did the usual routines
[10:37.113]Locked up the house, shut off the water
[10:38.968]Left money for the maid, turned on the alarm system
[10:41.606]And set the thermostat
[10:43.801]
[10:48.529]And I took photos of the early-blooming daffodils
[10:51.507]And sent them to my friend
[10:53.910]I sat at the top of the hill again, takin' in the sun again
[10:57.384]Tryna remember
[10:58.116]Why I ever bought this house in the first place again
[11:03.758]A hummingbird was buzzing around me by the bamboo
[11:07.128]Smoke was coming out of the chimneys
[11:09.061]I don't understand myself
[11:10.759]I spend the first 18 years of my life
[11:12.901]Trying to get out of a three-bedroom house
[11:15.095]With a yard full of sticks and squirrels
[11:17.107]Then, way later in life, I ended up buying a three-bedroom house
[11:20.346]With a yard full of sticks and squirrels
[11:24.082]You were in the kitchen, dehydratin' vegetables
[11:26.537]With the dehydrator your father gave you
[11:31.004]I walked back down the hill, my back hurting
[11:33.773]Into the living room door
[11:36.228]You said, "I'm done dehydrating vegetables
[11:38.788]I'm packed and ready to go"
[11:42.080]There was still the faint smell of skunk lingering in the house
[11:48.715]It was Super Bowl Sunday
[11:50.413]And the traffic goin' back to San Francisco was hell
[11:55.141]You dropped me off at my place
[11:57.571]And I've known you long enough to know
[12:01.045]That look on your face
[12:03.239]That says, "I don't wanna see you for a couple of days"
[12:08.307]So I left you alone, cleaned my apartment, made my bed
[12:12.147]Opened some windows, cleaned my hardwood floors
[12:15.673]And I dumped the bag of 2017 paperwork on the living room floor
[12:23.066]You sent me a text, "Yay, they rescued the coyote
[12:26.305]And got the jar off his head, he survived"