[00:02.51]Ho Ho Ho Ho!
[00:13.87]There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
[00:17.25]Gussied up candy canes and balls
[00:21.63]Those carolers have kept me up for hours
[00:25.47]It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
[00:29.32]Now I'm no wiccan commie or nothing
[00:33.12]But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
[00:36.88]It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
[00:40.82]But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
[00:44.48]HA
[00:45.70]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
[00:49.00][00:45.70]You know where to stick those jingle bells
[00:52.92]If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
[00:56.24]And all you motherfuckers go to hell
[01:00.60]If I ain't cockeyed then it Kwanzaa
[01:04.30]Joy to the world and jack and coke
[01:07.79]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
[01:11.84]Cause I never anything but broke
[01:17.71]Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
[01:21.21]Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
[01:25.40]Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
[01:28.81]And those colored lights are fucking infantile
[01:32.62]I think we collectively as the people
[01:36.57]Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
[01:40.35]And tell the world:
[01:42.30]"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"
[01:44.11]Before we spend it all on fucking toys.
[01:47.51]HA
[01:49.60]So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
[01:51.88]You know where to stick those jingle bells
[01:55.82]If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
[01:59.53]Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!
[02:03.93]If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
[02:07.52]Joy to the world of getting stoned
[02:11.50]If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
[02:14.97]So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.
[02:18.10]HA