作词 : Golan, Ross Jacob
 作曲 : Golan, Ross Jacob
 Tick tock, her biological clock
 Was like a time bomb for a diabolical plot
 To get knocked up 'cause she ran out of logical options
 When she failed to qualify for adoption
 The cougar hunted for a suitable donor
 And I was gullible enough to move over
 She needed cash, she wanted a stroller
 I felt bad but I told her, I told her

 No, no, no da-da-daddy
 No, no, I, I don't wanna be a
 No, no, no da-da-daddy
 No, no, no

 Well it turned out she once had a husband
 Who wasn't able to put buns in the oven
 She didn't love him and was strapped to the anchor
 'Til he did lewd and lascivious acts on his neighbor
 He went to prison but a few years later
 Got paroled early 'cause of good behavior
 Their correspondence was a pile of papers
 That he wouldn't sign 'cause divorce is for haters

 No, no, no da-da-daddy
 No, no, I, I don't wanna be a
 No, no, no da-da-daddy
 No, no, no

 She said her ex gets violent, I best get compliant
 Or, my, oh my, she'll open up her mouth and break the silence
 And warn the shark I'm swimming off the island
 So, he'll devour me if I don't quit the whining
 She mimed a violin, screamed like a sergeant
 To file in and I was like, "I beg your pardon?
 I'm not your target," and walked to the door
 I swung my head around, dropped it down
 And shook it back and forth

 I don't wanna be no baby's daddy, no
 I don't wanna be no
 I don't wanna be no
 I don't wanna be no baby's daddy
 No da-da-daddy
 Don't wanna be no...

 Hey, because if you add one kid
 Then you'll change all three of our lives
 And I like mine how mine is
 No, you don't even know me
 So you should take plenty of time
 And choose it wisely
 It's also my kid
 No da-da-daddy

 Da-da-daddy
 I, I don't wanna be a
 Da-da-daddy