[00:02.060]Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit.
[00:04.560]It was now Mid-August
[00:06.230]Which meant he had been separated from Marsha for more than two months.
[00:10.360]Two months, and all he had to show was three dog-eared letters
[00:13.700]And two very expensive long-distance phone calls.
[00:16.940]True, when school had ended and she'd returned to Wisconsin,
[00:20.040]And he to Locust, Pennsylvania,
[00:22.340]She had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity.
[00:25.380]She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement.
[00:29.160]She would remain faithful
[00:31.620]
[00:34.400]He had trouble sleeping at night
[00:36.660]And when he did, he had horrible dreams.
[00:39.810]He lay awake at night,
[00:41.570]Tossing and turning underneath his pleated quilt protector,
[00:45.260]Tears welling in his eyes as he pictured Marsha,
[00:48.670]Her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothing of some neanderthal,
[00:54.350]Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion.
[00:59.040]It was more than the human mind could bear
[01:02.120]Visions of Marsha's faithlessness haunted him.Marsha
[01:05.240]Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts.
[01:09.280]And the thing was, they wouldn't understand how she really was.
[01:13.810]He, Waldo, alone understood this.
[01:16.640]He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche.
[01:20.590]He had made her smile.
[01:22.530]She needed him, and he wasn't there. (Awww...)
[01:25.930]The idea came to him on the Thursday
[01:27.630]Before the Mummers' Parade was scheduled to appear.
[01:30.520]He'd just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons lawn for a dollar fifty
[01:33.860]And had checked the mailbox to see if there was at least a word from Marsha.
[01:37.940]There was nothing but a circular
[01:39.500]From the Amalgamated Aluminum Company Of America
[01:41.440]Inquiring into his awing needs.
[01:44.030]At least they cared enough to write
[01:46.370]It was a New York company.
[01:48.560]You could go anywhere in the mails.
[01:51.010]Then it struck him.
[01:52.850]He didn't have enough money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion,
[01:55.840]True, but why not mail himself?
[01:58.890]It was absurdly simple.
[02:00.660]He would ship himself parcel post, special delivery.
[02:04.160]The next day Waldo went to the supermarket
[02:06.330]To purchase the necessary equipment.
[02:08.730]He bought masking tape, a staple gun
[02:11.010]And a medium sized cardboard box just right for a person of his build.
[02:15.250]He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably.
[02:19.140]A few airholes, some water, perhaps some midnight snacks,
[02:22.770]And it would probably be as good as going tourist!
[02:26.170]By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set.
[02:28.770]He was thoroughly packed and the Post Office had agreed
[02:30.790]To pick him up at three o'clock.
[02:32.880]He'd marked the package "Fragile",
[02:34.560]And as he sat curled up inside,
[02:36.300]Resting on the foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included,
[02:39.450]He tried to picture the look of awe and happiness on Marshas face
[02:42.450]As she opened her door, saw the package, tipped the deliverer,
[02:46.080]And then opened it to see her Waldo finally there in person.
[02:50.070]She would kiss him, and then maybe they could see a movie.
[02:54.020]If he'd only thought of this before.
[02:56.670]Suddenly rough hands gripped his package and he felt himself borne up.
[03:01.160]He landed with a thud in a truck and was off
[03:04.640]Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair.
[03:07.630]It had been a very rough weekend.
[03:10.360]She had to remember not to drink like that.
[03:13.360]Bill had been nice about it though.
[03:15.350]After it was over he'd said he still respected her and, after all,
[03:18.740]It was certainly the way of nature,
[03:20.860]And even though, no, he didn't love her,
[03:23.250]He did feel an affection for her.
[03:26.050]And after all, they were grown adults.
[03:28.840]Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo!
[03:31.520]But that seemed many years ago
[03:34.460]Sheila Klein, her very, very best friend,
[03:37.360]Walked in through the porch screen door and into the kitchen.
[03:41.440]"Oh gawd, it's absolutely maudlin outside."“
[03:44.520]"Ach, I know what you mean, I feel all icky!"“
[03:48.760]Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk outer edge.
[03:52.410]Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table,
[03:56.050]Licked her finger and made a face
[03:58.650]"I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills,but," “
[04:00.630]She wrinkled her nose, "they make me feel like throwing up."
[04:04.920]Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, Marsha
[04:07.460]An exercise she'd seen on television
[04:10.100]"God, don't even talk about that."“
[04:12.650]She got up from the table and went to the sink
[04:14.340]Where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins.
[04:17.240]"Want one? Supposed to be better than Stick,"
[04:19.430]And then attempted to touch her knees.
[04:21.870]"I don't think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again."“
[04:25.060]She gave up and sat down,
[04:26.650]This time nearer the small table that supported the telephone.
[04:30.190]"Maybe Bill'll call," she said to Sheila's glance. “
[04:33.740]Sheila nibbled on a cuticle，
[04:36.080]"After last night, I thought maybe you'd be through with him."“
[04:39.620]"I know what you mean. My God, he was like an octopus. “
[04:42.350]Hands all over the place."
[04:44.460]She gestured, raising her arms upwards in defense.
[04:47.210]"The thing is, after a while, you get tired of fighting with him, you know, “
[04:50.500]And after all I didn't really do anything Friday and Saturday
[04:53.540]So I kind of owed it to him. You know what I mean."
[04:56.300]She started to scratch. Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth
[05:01.010]"I'll tell you, I felt the same way, and even after a while," “
[05:04.440]Here she bent forward in a whisper,
[05:06.290]"I wanted to!" Now she was laughing very loudly“
[05:10.520]It was at this point that Mr. Jameson of the Clarence Darrow Post Office
[05:14.120]Rang the doorbell of the large stucco colored frame house.
[05:17.750]When Marsha Bronson opened the door, he helped her carry the package in.
[05:21.190]He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed
[05:24.090]And left with a fifteen cent tip
[05:25.680]That Marsha had gotten out of her mother's small beige pocketbook in the den
[05:30.010]"What do you think it is?" Sheila asked.“
[05:32.600]Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back.
[05:35.390]She stared at the brown cardboard carton
[05:37.490]That sat in the middle of the living room
[05:39.430]"I dunno."“
[05:41.270]Inside the package, Waldo quivered with excitement
[05:44.540]As he listened to the muffled voices.
[05:46.780]Sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the center of the carton.
[05:51.380]"Why don't you look at the return address and see who it's from?" “
[05:55.110]Waldo felt his heart beating.
[05:57.160]He could feel the vibrating footsteps.
[05:59.070]It would be soon
[06:01.810]Marsha walked around the carton and read the ink-scratched label.
[06:05.450]"Ah, god it's from Waldo!"“
[06:08.140]"That schmuck!" said Sheila. “
[06:10.690]Waldo trembled with expectation.
[06:13.590]"Well, you might as well open it," said Sheila. “
[06:16.080]Both of them tried to lift the staple flap
[06:19.280]"Ah sst," said Marsha, groaning, "he must have nailed it shut."
[06:23.850]They tugged on the flap again.
[06:26.100]"My God, you need a power drill to get this thing open!" “
[06:29.840]They pulled again. "You can't get a grip."
[06:34.760]They both stood still, breathing heavily
[06:38.150]"Why don't you get a scissor," said Sheila. “
[06:41.030]Marsha ran into the kitchen,
[06:42.820]But all she could find was a little sewing scissor.
[06:45.960]Then she remembered that her father
[06:47.410]kept a collection of tools in the basement.
[06:49.700]She ran downstairs, and when she came back up,
[06:52.100]She had a large sheet metal cutter in her hand.
[06:55.090]"This is the best I could find." She was very out of breath. “
[06:58.330]"Here, you do it. I-I'm gonna die."
[07:01.320]She sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily.
[07:06.100]Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape
[07:08.790]And the end of the cardboard flap,
[07:10.630]But the blade was too big and there wasn't enough room
[07:13.820]"God damn this thing!" she said feeling very exasperated. “
[07:17.710]Then smiling, "I got an idea."
[07:20.700]"What?" said Marsha“
[07:22.040]"Just watch," said Sheila, touching her finger to her head“
[07:25.330]Inside the package, Waldo was so transfixed with excitement
[07:29.120]That he could barely breathe.
[07:31.410]His skin felt prickly from the heat,
[07:33.710]And he could feel his heart beating in his throat.
[07:36.490]It would be soon.
[07:38.930]Sheila stood quite upright
[07:41.100]And walked around to the other side of the package.
[07:43.940]Then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both handles,
[07:48.290]Took a deep breath,
[07:49.630]And plunged the long blade through the middle of the package,
[07:52.520]Through the masking tape, through the cardboard,
[07:54.910]Through the cushioning
[07:55.610]And (thud) right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head, （
[07:59.840]Which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs of red
[08:03.080]To pulsate gently in the morning sun