作曲 : Paul Heaton & Dave Rotheray
 作词 : Heaton, Rotheray
If we crawl at 2, we crawl at 22
And the grovel at the drop of a hat
And once they've got you down there
It's hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at 2, we can crawl at 102
And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is tiny crab of thought

On a sideways beach
Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lessers breach
And the maggots not have finger
Wagged at by leech
Well I made sure I wrote this song in Braille
So you could touch the words, the words that sail
From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

bows, thank you Curtsies, sirs and the wearing of a business suit
Lead to complaints of backache and end with the Nazi salute
And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at 2, we can crawl at 222