This is a song for 
Phil Daoust 
Occasional 
Guardian newspaper journal-oust 
I never ever ever mentioned your name 
Or the review that you wrote, when 
I was new to this game 
But now the time has come 
I think I've dealt with my feelings at last 
I really wanna forgive ya, 
Phil Yeah, 
I wanna put the past in the past-a 
Oh, and as this is 
London town 
I thought 
I outta take the opportunity '
Cause there's a pretty good chance 
Somebody out there will know you 
Maybe they will pass on a message for me 
Just wanna say, 
Phil Daoust 
Occasional 
Guardian newspaper journal-oust 
That it's been three years since you wrote it 
And time is very healing 
But I still wanna cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face 
And make your children watch while 
I force you to eat them 
Yeah, I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face-meat 
Ding dang, ding dang dong 
This is my 
Phil Daoust song 
Everybody sing along 
La-la-la-la-la-la-la 
I hope one of your family members dies 
Phil, ding dang dong 
I've written you this special song 
To help you get the attention 
You obviously, desperately lack 
And I know that you're a smart man 
And with such a fine mind, 
I guess it has to be hard 
To resist throwing narcissistic, intellectual tantrums 
In the supermarket aisles of your self-regard 
Just wanna say, 
Phil Daoust 
I know it must be really hard to be a journal-oust 
While a deadline's always looming, and the pressure to be entertaining 
So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at 
Like killing yourself, you ****ing cunt 
Ding dang, ding dang dong 
This is my 
Phil Daoust song 
Everybody sing along 
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la 
I hope something you love catches on fire 
Phil, ding dang dong 
I've written you this special song 
To show how far 
I've come along 
In my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback 
You ****ing poo-face