Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the ships 
And without a moral compass we would all be cast adrift 
So to keep us on our bearings, the 
Lord gave us a gift 
And like most gifts you get, it was a book 
I only read one book, but it's a good book, don't you know 
I act the way 
I act because the 
Good Book tells me so 
If I wanna know how to be good, it's to the 
Good Book that 
I go 'Cos the 
Good Book is a book and it is good and it's a book 
I know the 
Good Book's good because the 
Good Book says it's good 
I know the 
Good Book knows it's good because a really good book would 
You wouldn't cook without a cookbook and 
I think it's understood 
You can't be good without a 
Good Book 'cos it's good and it's a book 
And it is good for cookin' 
I tried to read some other books, but 
I soon gave up on that 
The paragraphs ain't numbered and they complicate the facts 
I can't read 
Harry Potter 'cos they're worshipping false gods and that 
And Dumbledore's a poofter and that's bad, 'cos it's not good 
Morality is written there in simple white and black 
I feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all that 
Good is good and evil's bad and goats are good and pigs are crap 
You'll find which one is which in the 
Good Book, 'cos it's good 
And it's a book, and it's a book 
I had a cat, she gave birth to a litter 
The kittens were adorable and they made my family laugh 
But as they grew they started misbehavin' 
So I drowned the little ****ers in the bath 
When the creatures in your care start being menaces 
The answers can be found right there in 
Genesis! Chapter 6, 
Verse 5-7! 
Swing your partner by the hand 
Have a baby if you can 
But if the voices your head 
Say to sacrifice your kid 
To satiate your loving 
God's Fetish for dead baby blood 
It's simple fate, the 
Book demands 
So raise that knife up in your hand! 
Before the 
Good Book made us good, there was no good way to know 
If a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and go 
So God decided he'd give writing allegoric prose a go 
And so he wrote a book and it was generally well-received 
The Telegraph said, "This God is reminiscent of the Norse." 
The Times said, "Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses." 
The Mail said, "Lots of massacres, a violent tour de force." 
If you only read one book this year, then this one is a book 
And it is good, and it's a book! 
Swing your daughter by the hand 
But if she gets raped by a man 
And refuses then to marry him 
Stone her to death! 
If you just close your eyes and block your ears 
To the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand years 
Then morally, guess what? 
You're off the hook 
And thank 
Christ you only have to read one book 
Just because the book's contents 
Were written generations hence 
By hairy desert-dwelling gents 
Squatting in their dusty tents 
Just because what 
Heaven said 
Was said before they'd leavened bread 
Just 'cos 
Jesus couldn't read 
Doesn't mean that we should need 
When manipulating human genes 
To alleviate pain and fight disease 
When deciding whether it's wrong or right 
To help the dyin' let go of life 
Or stop a pregnancy when it's 
Just a tiny blastocyst 
There's no reason why we should take a look 
At any other book 
But the Good 
Book 'Cause it's good 
And it's a book 
And it's a book 
And it's quite good! 
Good is good and evil's bad 
And kids get killed when 
God gets mad 
And you'd better take a good look 
At the Good 
Book