[00:03.47]Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
[00:06.48]The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler,
[00:09.10]
[00:09.84]The tube socks empty, hung no candies or toys,
[00:13.23]I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,
[00:15.98]
[00:16.54]The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
[00:19.72]The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
[00:22.90]
[00:23.65]My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
[00:25.96]
[00:26.46]So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried
[00:29.47]
[00:30.40]When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
[00:32.21]
[00:33.34]I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
[00:35.75]
[00:36.56]yelled, He "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws
[00:40.21]And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause."
[00:44.09]I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause,
[00:48.20]And you ain't takin me in without probable cause."
[00:51.17]
[00:51.91]Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
[00:55.29]
[00:56.41]I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like?
[00:59.96]The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
[01:04.33]That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
[01:08.01]He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry."
[01:11.13]I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
[01:13.99]
[01:14.86]"It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
[01:18.29]"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
[01:20.71]
[01:21.23]I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean,
[01:24.68]Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen."
[01:27.42]
[01:28.35]Well I started to lie I then thought what the hell
[01:31.86]It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail.
[01:34.73]
[01:35.29]I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
[01:38.50]
[01:39.06]I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
[01:42.49]When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
[01:46.49]I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
[01:50.49]she that said But a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
[01:53.88]And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,
[01:56.13]
[01:57.25]Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter,
[02:00.84]
[02:01.53]A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
[02:04.96]
[02:05.83]Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
[02:09.81]When outta Red's chimney this feller did run
[02:12.12]
[02:12.68]And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
[02:16.24]I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
[02:20.09]
[02:21.21]So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
[02:25.01]
[02:25.76]But he went about his business like he a hadn't care
[02:28.19]
[02:28.88]So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
[02:31.44]
[02:32.06]Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
[02:35.06]
[02:35.62]And as he flew off i heard him extort,
[02:38.24]
[02:38.92]"Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
[02:49.69]on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
[02:52.25]and you’ll never rout me outta there
[02:53.93]so why don’t you just
[02:55.37]turn car off come
[02:58.70]
[02:59.45]in well watch wrestling eat some
[03:01.69]Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
[03:04.44]she’s been over here about every other night