FZ: In the beginning 
God made 'the light.' 
Shortly thereafter 
God made three big mistakes. 
The first mistake was called 
MAN, the second mistake was called 
WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of 
THE POODLE. 
Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because 
God originally wanted to build a 
Schnauzer, but he ****ed up. 
Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. 
The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type 
BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. 
You know it's true, 
I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.) 
Anyway listen, check this out. 
The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. 
You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. 
But the WO-
MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the 
MAN. Guy In 
The Audience: 
You're the best! 
FZ: That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. 
Now you're interrupting my story, now listen . . . 
What is that? 
Is that the 
Tower of Power or what? 
Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. 
Now listen: 
The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the 
MAN, you know this is true. 
And so it was since the beginning of time. 
The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. 
And that's why the 
WO-MAN always had control over him. 
In the beginning the 
WO-MAN looked the 
MAN directly into the eye and said: "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.) 
And of course the 
MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. 
He went out and he got a goddamn job. 
Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of 
Eden and gave that money to the 
WO-MAN. The 
WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of 
Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the 
MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the 
WO-MAN got a hold of the 
POODLE. Because the 
WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. 
It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays. 
And so the 
WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. 
Let me get a little uh, visual aid . . . 
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. 
You see, she took a little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. 
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call 
Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. 
And squatted right 
ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's eyes. 
She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? 
She said: