Drag the lake, Charlie
Charlie, drag the lake

Lester didn't come home last night
And Wanda's all irate

Better keep your fingers crossed
And hope we find him drowned

Wanda's gonna come and kill us all
If he shows up in town

Drag the lake, Charlie
I heard that he was seen
Cavortin' with ol' shorty
Up at the line again
Wanda's got that goddamn
Pistol in her purse
If she goes on the rampage
They'll have to call the Hearse
Better drag the lake, Charlie
Charlie, drag the lake
Remember what happened last time
When Lester went on the lake?
I heard it took the cleaning crew
Two weeks to clean the bar
They never found that teenage girl
They never found the car
Drag the lake, Charlie

Drag the lake, Charlie

It won't be the first time
But it might be the last

Drag the lake, Charlie
And keep your fingers crossed

And if you're friends with Jesus
Please ask Him to help us
Our best case scenario
Is Lester turns up dead
I'm almost out of Valium
Courage and self-respect

Drag the lake, Charlie

Drag the lake, Charlie

It won't be the first time
But it might be the last