作词 : Stephen Sondheim
 作曲 : Stephen Sondheim
[BOBBIE
My life is totally prepared for a gigantic change right now! I'm genuinely ready to be married

[DAVID
Right, then why aren't you?

[BOBBIE
Right

[ANDY, THEO, PJ
Right, right, right
Ba-da-da-da-da
Ba-da-da-da-da
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da

You could drive a person crazy
You could drive a person mad
Ba-da-da
First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had
Ba-da-da
Then you leave a person dangling sadly
Outside your door
Which it only makes a person gladly
Want you even more

I could understand a person
If she said to go away
Ba-da-da
I could understand a person
If she happened to be gay
Ba-da-da

[Spoken
You think?
Do I know?
Nah

But worse than that
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves him flat
Is crazy
She's a troubled person
She's a truly crazy person herself

[Spoken
Dirty flirt
You feminist
I just don't understand
That time of the month?

[ANDY
When a person's personality is personable
She shouldn't oughta sit on her butt
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get you outa your rut
So single and attentive and attractive a chick
Is everything a person could wish
But turning off a person is the act of a chick
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish

[ANDY, THEO, PJ
Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair
(Not fair, not fair)
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms

All that sweet affection!
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, oh Lord, how long?
Bobbie-baby-Bobbie-bubbi-Bobbie

You could drive a person frantic
You could blow a person's cool
Like you get a person all romantic
While you make 'em feel a fool
Ba-da
When a person says that you just don't get her
That's when you're good
You impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should

I could understand a person
If she wasn't good in bed
(She's good. No ****!)
I could understand a person
If she actually was dead
Ba-da-da-da

Exclusive you!
Elusive you!
Will any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy
You're a troubled person
You're a moving
Deeply maladjusted
Never to be trusted
Crazy person yourself

Bobbie is my hobby and I'm givin' it up!