作词 : Half Man Half Biscuit
 作曲 : Half Man Half Biscuit
 I woke up about eleven with hair like Brian May
 I woke up about eleven (oooh) with hair like Brian May
 I’m supposed to be the hardest man on the estate

 I’m gonna go down to the river, the one that they call the Dee
 I’m gonna go down to the river (oooh), that old snake they call the Dee
 Lord you gotta let me drown so those ringlets they won’t see

 Oh I need this situation about as much as I need
 The Armoury Show’s entire back catalogue
 ~solo~
 I haven’t got a balaclava, and my good girl, she got no snood
 I haven’t got a balaclava (oooh), and my good girl’s got no snood
 I take the 20.40 boxcar, the one that goes to Bude
 I take my rope down to the crossroads to bring my poor heart ease
 ~solo~
 I hang my rope down at the crossroads to bring my poor heart ease
 Oh but the devil’s built a bypass, n’chopped down all of the trees

 And hey I need a bypass about as much as I need
 The Armoury Show’s entire back catalogue