Welcome M'sier Sit yourself down And meet the bestInnkeeper in town As for the rest All of them crooks Rooking the guests And cooking the books Seldom do you see Honest men like me A gent of good intent Who's content to be Master of the House Solding out the charm Ready with a handshake And an open palm Tells a saucy tale Makes a little stir Customers appreciate a bon viveur! Glad to do my friends a favour Doesn't cost me to be nice but nothing gets you nothingEv'rything has got a little price Master of the House Keeper of the zoo Ready relieve them of a sou, or two Watering the wine making up the weight Picking up their knick-knacks When they can't see strainght Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend I do whatever pleases Jesus don't I bleed them in the end! Master of the House Quick to catch yer eye Never wants a pa*ser by To pa*s him by Servant to the poor Butler to the great Comforter, philosopher And lifelong mate Everybody's boon companion Everybody's chaperone But look up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin yer to the bone! Enter M'sieur Lay down yer load Unlace yer boots And rest from the road This weighs a ton Travel's a curse But here we strive To lighten your purse Here the goose is cooked Here the fat is friend And nothing's overlooked Till I'm satisfied Food beyond compare Food beyond belief Mix it in a mincer And pretend it's beef Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat Filling up the sausages With this and that Residents are more than welcome Bridal suite is ocupied Reasonable chargesPlus some little extra on the side Charge them for the nice Extra for the mice Two per cent for looking in the mirror twice Here a little sluce There a litlle cut Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut When it comes to fixing prices There are lots of tricks to know How it all increases All them bits and pieces Jesus! It's amazing how it grows Master of the House Quick to catch yer eye Never wants a pa*ser by To pa*s him by Servant to the poor Buttler to the great Comforter, philosopher And lifelong mate Everybody's boon companion Gives them everything he's got Dirty bunch of greezers Jesus! What a sorry little lot!