[00:21.91]Seven O＇Clock in the evening
[00:23.45]Watchin somethin＇ stupid on TV
[00:25.09]I＇m zoned out on the sofa
[00:27.38]When my wife comes in the room and sees me
[00:30.26]
[00:30.47]She says ＂Is this ＇Behind the Music＇
[00:33.55]With Lynard Skynard?＂
[00:34.90]And I say ＂I don＇t know.
[00:36.49]Say, it＇s gettin＇ late...watcha wanna do for dinner?
[00:40.06]
[00:40.52]She says ＂I kinda had a big lunch.
[00:41.62]So I＇m not super hungry.＂
[00:44.56]I said ＂Well you know, baby, I＇m not starvin＇ either
[00:46.73]But I could eat.＂
[00:47.72]
[00:48.08]She said ＂So whadya have in mind?＂
[00:49.85]I said ＂I don＇t know what about you?＂
[00:52.19]She said ＂I don＇t care, if you＇re hungry, let＇s eat.＂
[00:54.89]I said ＂That＇s what we＇re gonna do!＂
[00:56.36]
[00:56.75]＂But first you gotta tell me
[00:58.41]What it is you＇re hungry for!＂
[01:00.57]And she says ＂Let me think...
[01:02.89]...What＇s left in our refridgerator?＂
[01:04.93]
[01:05.80]I said ＂Well, there＇s tuna, I know.＂
[01:07.66]She said ＂That went bad a week ago!＂
[01:09.94]I said ＂Is the chili OK?＂
[01:12.04]She said ＂You finished that yesterday!＂
[01:14.26]
[01:14.77]I hopped up and I said
[01:16.42]＂I don＇t know, do you want to get something delivered?＂
[01:18.73]She＇s like ＂Why would I want to eat liver?
[01:21.64]I don＇t even like liver!＂
[01:23.53]
[01:23.86]I＇m like ＂No, I said ＇delivered＇.＂
[01:26.23]She＇s like ＂I heard you say liver!＂
[01:27.91]I＇m like ＂I should know what I said...＂
[01:29.89]She＇s like ＂Whatever, I just don＇t want any liver!＂
[01:32.09]
[01:32.53]Well I was gonna say something
[01:34.39]But my cell phone started to ring
[01:36.61]Now who could be callin＇ me?
[01:38.60]Well I checked my caller ID
[01:40.73]
[01:41.15]It was just cousin Larry
[01:42.94]Callin＇ for the third time today...
[01:44.83]My wife said ＂Let it go to voicemail.＂
[01:47.92]I said, ＂OK.＂
[01:49.46]
[01:50.21]＂Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
[01:52.27]So what d＇ya want to do?＂
[01:53.96]She said ＂Why don＇t you whip up somethin in the kitchen?＂
[01:56.44]＂Yeah,＂ I said, ＂Why don＇t you?＂
[01:58.54]
[01:59.03]And then she said ＂Baby, can＇t we just go out to dinner, please?＂
[02:02.87]I says ＂No＂
[02:03.71]She says ＂Yes＂
[02:04.13]I says ＂No＂
[02:04.60]She says ＂Yes＂
[02:05.12]I says ＂No＂
[02:05.62]She says ＂Yes...
[02:06.35]...Oh, here＇s your keys＂
[02:08.00]
[02:08.21]I step a little bit closer
[02:09.95]Say ＂OK, where ya want to go?＂
[02:11.86]She says ＂How about The Ivy?＂
[02:14.15]I said ＂Yeah, well I don＇t know...＂
[02:16.25]
[02:16.70]I don＇t feel like gettin all dressed up
[02:19.19]And eatin＇ expensive food
[02:20.96]She＇s says ＂Olive Garden?＂
[02:23.05]I say ＂Nah, I＇m not in the mood...
[02:25.13]
[02:25.52]...And Burrito King would make me gassy
[02:28.22]There＇s no doubt＂
[02:29.57]She says ＂Just forget about it＂
[02:31.81]I said ＂No, I swear I＇m gonna take you out!＂
[02:33.95]
[02:34.55]Then I get an idea
[02:36.65]I says ＂I know what we＇ll do!＂
[02:38.75]She says ＂What?＂
[02:39.50]I say ＂Guess＂
[02:39.74]She says ＂What?＂
[02:40.22]I say ＂We＇re goin＇ to the drive-thru!＂
[02:42.98]
[02:43.49]So we head out the front door
[02:45.11]Open the garage door
[02:47.55]Then I open the car doors
[02:49.97]And we get in those car doors
[02:51.86]
[02:52.31]Put my key in the ignition
[02:53.99]And then I turn it sideways
[02:56.21]Then we fasten our seat belts
[02:58.40]As we pull out the driveway
[03:00.81]
[03:01.17]Then we drive to the drive-thru
[03:02.91]Heading off to the drive-thru
[03:05.13]We＇re approaching the drive-thru
[03:07.32]Getting close to the drive-thru!
[03:09.42]
[03:09.81]Almost there at the drive-thru
[03:11.70]Now we＇re here at the drive thru
[03:13.83]Here in line at the drive-thru
[03:16.08]Did I mention the drive-thru?
[03:18.39]
[03:27.67]Well here we are
[03:29.19]In the drive-thru line, me and her.
[03:31.71]Cars in front of us, cars in back of us.
[03:34.68]All just waiting to order
[03:36.04]
[03:36.45]There＇s some idiot in a Volvo
[03:38.19]With his brights on behind me
[03:40.39]I lean out the window and scream
[03:42.45]＂Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?＂
[03:45.16]
[03:45.54]My wife says ＂Maybe we should park...
[03:47.56]...We could just go eat inside.＂
[03:49.66]I said ＂I＇m wearin＇ bunny slippers
[03:51.91]So I ain＇t leavin＇ this ride...＂
[03:54.13]
[03:54.39]Now a woman on a speaker box
[03:56.52]Is sayin＇ ＂Can I take your order, please?＂
[03:58.59]I said ＂Yes indeed, you certainly can
[04:00.51]We＇d like two hamburgers with onions and cheese.＂
[04:02.82]
[04:03.10]Then my wife says
[04:04.62]＂Baby, hold on, I＇ve changed my mind!
[04:07.26]I think I＇m gonna have a chicken sandwich
[04:10.17]Instead, this time＂
[04:11.47]
[04:12.09]I said ＂You always get a cheeseburger!＂
[04:13.80]She says ＂That＇s not what I＇m hungry for.＂
[04:16.11]I put my head in my hands and screamed,
[04:18.33]＂I don＇t know who you are anymore!＂
[04:20.65]
[04:21.12]The voice on the speaker says
[04:22.84]＂I don＇t have all day!＂
[04:25.12]I said ＂Then, take our order,
[04:26.94]And we＇ll be on our way!
[04:29.56]
[04:29.95]I wanna get a chicken sandwich
[04:31.99]And I want a cheeseburger, too
[04:34.09]She＇s like ＂You want onions on that?＂
[04:36.22]I＇m like ＂Yeah, I already said that I do...
[04:38.29]
[04:38.65]...Plus we need curly fries
[04:40.62]And don＇t you dare forget it!
[04:43.14]And two medium root beers
[04:45.49]No, just one, we＇ll split it.＂
[04:47.65]
[04:48.00]Then I said ＂I＇m guessin＇ that
[04:49.69]You＇re probably not too bright...
[04:52.03]So read me back my order
[04:54.16]Let＇s make sure you got it right.＂
[04:56.02]
[04:56.25]She says ＂One, you want a chicken sandwich.
[04:58.51]Two, you want a cheeseburger
[05:00.54]Three, curly fries, and a large root beer＂
[05:03.72]＂Stop, don＇t go no further!＂
[05:05.20]
[05:05.49]＂I never ordered a large rootbeer
[05:07.36]I said medium, not large!＂
[05:09.16]Then she says ＂We＇re havin＇ a special,
[05:11.83]I supersized you at no charge.＂
[05:13.87]
[05:14.17]＂Oh.＂ And that＇s all
[05:16.91]I could say, was ＂Oh.＂
[05:18.11]And she says ＂Now there is somethin＇ else
[05:20.24]That I really think you should know.
[05:22.43]
[05:22.94]You can have unlimited refills
[05:24.86]For just a quarter more...＂
[05:26.78]I say ＂Great, except we＇re in the drive thru...
[05:29.36]So what would I want that for?＂
[05:31.19]
[05:31.61]Then she says ＂Wait a minute
[05:33.62]Your voice sounds so familiar...hey, is this Paul?
[05:36.77]And my wife is all like ＂No, that ain＇t Paul,
[05:39.41]Now tell me, who＇s this Paul?
[05:41.25]
[05:41.75]She says ＂Oh, he＇s just some guy
[05:43.58]Who goes to school with me.
[05:45.68]I sat behind him last year
[05:47.81]And I copied off him in Geometry.
[05:50.93]I said ＂I know a guy named Paul.
[05:52.59]He used to be my plumber
[05:54.72]He was prematurely bald
[05:56.94]And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer.
[05:59.07]
[05:59.22]He also had bladder problems
[06:01.35]And a really bad infection on his toe.＂
[06:03.24]And she said ＂Mister, please, you can stop right there,
[06:06.01]That＇s way more than I needed to know!＂
[06:07.86]
[06:08.14]And then we both were quiet
[06:10.24]And things got real intense
[06:12.46]Then she says ＂Next window please,
[06:14.47]That＇ll be five dollars and eighty two cents.＂
[06:16.81]
[06:17.01]So we inched ahead in line
[06:19.00]Movin＇ painfully slow
[06:20.98]I got a little bored
[06:23.11]So I turned on the radio...
[06:24.91]
[06:25.34]
[06:37.91]
[06:41.79]Turned it off
[06:42.93]Because my wife was getting a headache
[06:45.42]So we both just sat there quietly
[06:49.39]For her sake.
[06:50.49]
[06:50.94]Then I looked at her
[06:52.15]And she looked back at me
[06:54.46]And I said ＂Um,
[06:56.46]I think you have somethin＇ in your teeth.＂
[06:58.86]
[06:59.44]She turned away from me
[07:01.11]And then turned back and said ＂Did I get it?＂
[07:03.63]I said ＂Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it...
[07:06.87]But hey, ya know, don＇t sweat it.＂
[07:08.67]
[07:08.94]Then she said ＂How about now?＂
[07:11.70]I said ＂Yeah, almost.
[07:13.00]There＇s still a little bit there
[07:15.18]But don＇t worry, it＇s probably just a piece of toast.＂
[07:17.31]
[07:17.53]Now we＇re at the pay window
[07:19.00]Or whatever you call it
[07:21.21]Put my hand in my pocket
[07:23.20]I can＇t believe there＇s no wallet!
[07:25.42]
[07:33.19]And the lady at the window＇s like,
[07:34.38]＂Well, well that＇ll be five eighty two.＂
[07:38.53]I turn around to my wife, and say
[07:41.40]＂How much have you got on you?＂
[07:43.47]
[07:44.16]She just rolls her eyes and says
[07:45.87]＂I＇ll pay for this, I guess.＂
[07:48.04]So she reaches into her purse
[07:49.98]And pulls out the American Express
[07:52.44]
[07:52.65]I hand it to the lady
[07:54.54]And she says ＂Oh, dear.
[07:56.64]It＇s gotta be cash only
[07:58.89]We don＇t take credit cards here.＂
[08:01.17]
[08:01.45]I took back the card and said
[08:03.42]＂Gee, really? Well that sucks.＂
[08:05.47]And that＇s when I found out
[08:07.80]My wife was only carryin＇ three bucks.
[08:10.18]
[08:10.36]I said ＂I thought you were
[08:12.46]Going to hit the ATM today＂
[08:15.19]She says ＂I never got around to it
[08:17.43]So where＇s your wallet anyway?
[08:18.94]
[08:19.48]And I said ＂Nevermind,
[08:20.92]Just help me to find some change...＂
[08:23.20]Now the lady at the window
[08:25.17]Is lookin at me kinda strange...
[08:27.46]
[08:28.17]And she says ＂Mister, please,
[08:30.04]We gotta move this line along＂
[08:32.32]I said ＂Now hold your stinkin＇ horses lady,
[08:35.53]We won＇t be long.＂
[08:36.85]
[08:37.12]We looked around inside the glove-box
[08:39.07]And check the mat beneath my feet
[08:41.53]I found a nickel in the ashtray
[08:43.24]And a couple pennies and a dime in the space betweent he seats
[08:45.52]
[08:45.82]Before long I had a little pile
[08:47.80]Of coins of every sort
[08:50.17]The lady counts it up and says
[08:52.30]＂You＇re still about a dollar short＂
[08:54.28]
[08:54.70]And now my woman＇s got this weird look
[08:56.92]Frozen on her face
[08:58.54]She screams, ＂you know
[09:00.34]I wasn＇t even really hungry in the first place＂
[09:03.25]
[09:03.61]And so I turned around
[09:05.35]To the cashier again
[09:07.63]I shrugged and said ＂OK
[09:09.79]Forget the chicken sandwich then＂
[09:12.05]
[09:12.38]So I pick up my change
[09:14.41]Pick up my reciept
[09:16.40]And I drive to the pickup window
[09:18.52]Man, I just can＇t wait to eat
[09:20.68]
[09:21.20]And now we see this acne ridden
[09:23.20]Kid about sixteen
[09:25.12]Wearin＇ a dorky nametag that says
[09:27.80]＂Hello, my name is Eugene.＂
[09:29.72]
[09:30.07]And he hands me a paper bag
[09:32.23]I look him in the eyes
[09:34.36]And I say to him ＂Hey, Eugene,
[09:36.92]Can I get some ketchup for my fries?＂
[09:38.77]
[09:38.95]Well he looks at me
[09:40.90]And I look at him
[09:43.34]And he looks at me
[09:45.25]And I look at him
[09:47.86]
[09:48.22]And he looks at me
[09:50.35]And I look at him
[09:52.43]And he says ＂I＇m sorry
[09:54.13]What did you want again?＂
[09:56.45]
[09:56.77]I say ＂Ketchup!＂
[09:58.43]And he says ＂Oh yeah, that＇s right...
[10:01.13]...I just spaced out there for a second
[10:03.26]I＇m really kind of burnt tonight.＂
[10:05.27]
[10:05.66]And then he hands me the ketchup
[10:07.85]And now we＇re finally drivin＇ away
[10:10.32]And the food is drivin＇ me mad
[10:12.73]With its intoxicating bouquet
[10:14.98]
[10:15.70]I＇m starvin＇ to death
[10:17.20]By the time we pull up at the traffic light
[10:19.21]I say ＂Baby, gimme that burger,
[10:22.07]I just gotta have a bite!＂
[10:23.99]
[10:24.34]So she reaches in the bag
[10:26.20]And pulls out the burger
[10:28.49]And she hands me the burger
[10:30.35]And I pick up the burger
[10:32.33]
[10:32.63]And then I unwrap the paper
[10:35.30]I bite into those buns
[10:37.77]And I just can＇t believe it
[10:39.83]They forgot the onions!
[10:44.42]